1+ 1 >2 Part Q

 你+我>兩個

以上 清晰的溝通週期也可以表示為一個公式（圖6.1）：我的溝通能力與你的溝通能力相加，加起來比我們任何一個人自己加起來都要多。所以，如果我有 6 個單元的溝通能力，而你有 2 個單元，那麼加在一起我們有 8 個單元。

在頭腦清醒課程期間，一個人的溝通能力會比平時更強，也許不會多達8個單位，但可能是6個單位，這是這個人平時能力的兩倍。會議可以迅速取得進展，這樣當他們走向世界時，他們可能不會帶著完整的 6 個單元，但即使是 4 或 5 個單元，而不是通常的 2 個單元，也會讓他們的溝通方式發生真正的變化。生活會改善。









圖6.1 清算公式



伯納測試的所有其他技術，如回憶過去，逃避指控和承擔責任，都很重要。即使沒有這個公式在運作，人們也可能感覺更好，因為他們可能已經釋放了一些情緒並讓自己的聲音被聽到。這可能相當於顯著的改進，但它仍然在思想領域。不會有實際的進步，因為頭腦沒有通過提高溝通能力的權宜之計來處理。

與鄧尼斯的合作從很小的步驟開始。他對讓自己穿越和被接受的信心很低，所以我們一起處理他生活中的各種關係和情況，每次都慢慢來培養鄧尼斯清楚地表達自己的能力。只進行了幾次會議，他就感覺開朗多了，



期待著來。我們之間的迴圈要好得多，一個典型的例子就是這個，當我們看到他的人生目標感時：

更清晰：告訴我你在生活中做的事情，你喜歡。鄧尼斯：嗯，這看起來有點傻，但我喜歡釣魚。

更清楚：謝謝。還有更多嗎？



鄧尼斯：我不知道，這看起來很愚蠢，但真的，是的，事實是，當我在威爾士度假時，我感覺非常好。這是生命中最美好的事情。我喜歡。

更清楚：我明白了，是的，謝謝。



這可能看起來像是一件小事，但以前鄧尼斯很難對自己或他的生活說任何積極的話，而且週期需要很長時間才能完成。我也很難聽到我在說什麼，即使他聽到了，也很難相信我真的對他要說的話感興趣。所以他會給我一個答案，這個答案通常與教學完全無關，但他認為會更有趣。他有一個想法，他必須娛樂人們，否則他們不會愛他。我們討論了這個，這很有説明（後來我們回到了這種態度並取得了很好的效果），但當時真正對鄧尼斯有用的是看到我想知道，我足夠關心他，堅持下去，直到我得到對指示的回應。更進一步，承認他的回答，當它是直接的，即使對他來說看起來很平凡或普通，對他來說也是令人驚訝的。他在會議結束後引用了上面的話：

我只想說，這真是太棒了。我從來沒有真正對任何人說過釣魚的事情，因為我認為人們會認為我真的很無聊。但這對我來說真的很重要。那是我感覺最有活力的時候。告訴你和讓你感興趣的感覺真好。謝謝。這真的很重要。


第一步：下達指令

要使清晰的溝通週期成功，需要發生的事情是必須將清晰的想法傳達給另一個人，以便他們有任務要執行並知道他們必須做什麼才能遵守。

。明確你想讓你説明的人做什麼，並將這個想法傳達給他，以便那個人理解它。當你這樣做時，這個人就會知道你想讓他做什麼.5

我們在與人的談話中大部分時間都是模糊的;在這種情況下，模棱兩可是不行的。這個想法，理想情況下是一個指導，但也許是一個問題，必須完全和全心全意地傳達給客戶，沒有戲劇性或強調。清除者一定也真的想知道會有什麼反應。

例如，如果有清晰的想法告訴我你後悔的事情（關於特定情況），那麼在說出來之前，整個想法需要在清晰者的腦海中直截了當。然後應該清晰而全面地交付。重要的是，客戶要充分理解和接受這種想法，所以更清晰的人必須盡一切努力實現這一目標。他們可能首先需要解釋他們將要發出指示，如有必要，在下達指令之前，他們為什麼選擇該特定指示以及它的含義。

如果你不知道你在追求什麼，除了困惑之外，你能與[客戶]溝通什麼？如果你從一張紙上得到問題，並在自己沒有完全理解的情況下將其交付給[客戶]，那麼[客戶]將收到的只是：一堆帶有模糊想法的單詞，它在一張紙上說[Clearer]應該問。這是他將要接受的想法。他實際上會得到這個想法，因為這就是你的想法。

6 精確的表達不是傳達指令的重要因素;溝通才是最重要的。在這個參數範圍內，Clearer可以使用任何需要的東西，只要它是合乎道德的，將想法或指示傳達


給另一個人。
用於傳達它的思想和語言必須是精確的。語言使用的不精確反映了理解不明確。帕坦伽利說：「當語言沒有追蹤[真實]物體時，就會產生言語妄想。7 我們必須小心並認識到我們自己的不理解反映在我們的語言中。

在第一步中，其他事情也可能出錯。Clearer必須真正對客戶給出的任何答案持開放態度。沒有正確的答案;有Just 客戶對指令給出的答案，只要它是對該特定指令或問題的明確回應。知道回應應該是什麼是一個錯誤，因為它沒有對該用戶端的實際情況開放。

阿曼達正在與馬特合作，處理他與母親的關係。解開困難，很明顯，它可以幫助解決馬特強烈的憤怒和內疚感。所以她指示他：「告訴我你對你母親做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情。

她後來意識到，她從一開始就犯了一個錯誤。馬特在之前的一次會議中告訴過她，關於他和他母親的關係，牢牢地印在她的腦海裡，她只是半意識地認為他肯定對這件事懷有相當多的內疚。那是在他十幾歲的時候，他開始吸毒。有一次，他襲擊了他的母親，把她打得很重。當她下達指令時，她心裡就想到了這一點。但這是馬特在她估計中做錯的事情。就她所知，他並不認為這是一件壞事，但阿曼達期待這種情況的出現，並正在尋找它作為一種順從。結果，當馬特說的不是這件事時，她只半信半疑。她實際上並不對馬特的真實情況持開放態度，這成為一個問題，直到阿曼達意識到她對馬特的回應施加的限制。她不願意在繼續前進更有用的時候結束這種特殊的技術，因為她在等待馬特想出這一件事。



如果客戶給出的回復不清楚者不同意是正確的，則可能會出現另一個問題。在這種情況下，迴圈也不會完成。例如，如果Clearer給出指示，“告訴我你喜歡的生活”，而客戶回答，“我喜歡報復工作中的人，搞砸他們的職業前景”，這可能是Clearer很難接受的事情，因為這是任何人都能真正熱愛生活的東西，因為這不符合他們對生活熱愛的看法。他們可能會確切地檢查為什麼這是客戶真正「喜歡」的東西，以及這對他們意味著什麼，但如果客戶的回應是真誠的，那麼Clearer必須簡單地接受這是一種合規性。

清除者有責任確保客戶理解並接受指示。如果這出錯，那麼迴圈在開始之前就崩潰了。如果第一次或第二次不起作用，那麼繼續努力讓它傳達是很重要的。這不一定是通過一次又一次地重複來實現的;這可能會使不理解的問題更加複雜，並且需要很長時間。如果他們不理解，就有必要找到另一種方法來傳達它。必須這樣做，直到很明顯該人已經得到指示並知道想要什麼。Clearer應該讓他們盡可能容易。然而，Clearer可能已經盡其所能來傳達它，但不確定它是否被理解。確保他們得到它的最簡單方法是客戶繼續並遵守。但他們可能需要一段時間要做到這一點，可能值得與他們一起檢查一下。Clearer會盡一切努力將想法或指示傳達給客戶，直到確定他們已經得到了它。

許多事情都可能出錯，即使有這個聽起來相對簡單的第一步。有很多陷阱的機會會破壞迴圈，意味著不會取得任何進展。一開始可能是錯誤的指示。如果正在處理的領域不是當時該人真正感興趣的領域，則會出現這種情況;然後，這項工作是違背穀物的，如果有的話，也不會有太大説明。

例如，如果客戶剛剛與她的老闆發生了激烈的爭吵，離開了她的工作，只能考慮後果，



那麼在這一點上繼續與她早已去世的母親溝通可能沒有説明。在回到另一個領域之前，Clearer需要看看當前的危機。如果犯了這個錯誤，而Clearer在面對最小的興趣時繼續耕耘，客戶將失去信心。他們可能仍然會盡最大努力遵守並完成工作，但實際上 Clearer 已經失去了他們。

這發生在一個來找我大約八次的客戶身上。事情越來越棘手，大約從第四節課開始，我離開時會感到沉重和困惑。我們似乎正在研究好的、相關的材料，但感覺就像我在與一些模糊的東西作鬥爭。第八節課後，我也很確定她不會回來，因為我們的結局如此平淡，她不確定下一次什麼時候有空。所以我得到了諮詢，真正關注我們之間發生的事情。

最後，令我寬慰的是，她確實回來了，所以在第九次會議開始時，我問她情況如何，到目前為止有什麼幫助，什麼沒有説明。我對她的回答感到非常吃驚。她告訴我，就在一開始的時候，她就提出了一個非常重要的問題，關於她最好的朋友的情況。但是，我沒有問她那段時間想做什麼，而是認為她丈夫的持續麻煩會是我們會看到的，我只是繼續這樣做。當時我認為這是一個合理的假設，因為他們之間的事情非常不穩定，他們剛剛發生了衝突。但實際上，她對她的朋友的問題感到非常困擾，並且非常想在會議上解決這個問題。雖然在隨後的五次會議中，我們顯然做了一些很好的工作，但現在我立即看到我們根本沒有取得太多進展，因為她已經不再相信這項工作，坐在那裡彬彬有禮，接受這一切並盡力而為，但真的很怨恨我，感覺被忽視了。

在第九節課開始時的那次演講之後，一切都變了。我真的明白這有什麼影響，並承認我犯了一個錯誤。我們之間的氣氛就在那時變得清晰起來，我們勇往直前，感覺



就像我們在一起工作。事實上，我感到非常感動，她足夠誠實地告訴我，而且我愚蠢到認為我最瞭解她。



當指令發出時，這個人可能沒有正確注意，而清除者沒有注意到或繼續前進，希望這個人能趕上。重要的是等到客戶的注意力就在那裡。

Michaela：當弗蘭克來找我參加課程時，他已經做了很多工作，特別是在啟蒙強化課程中，並且非常善於向內看。所以他清楚地知道他想做什麼，我認為沒有理由不繼續下去。所以我們直接投了進去。弗蘭克對這種格式很熟悉，所以我會去下達一個指令，比如“告訴我這個問題被抑制了什麼”，他會在我給出它的中途失去與我的眼神交流。通過觀察他，我非常確定這是因為他太渴望開始了，甚至在我完成教學之前，他就開始在裡面尋找回應。他很快就會回來一個深思熟慮的，有時甚至是強有力的回應。所以我犯了一個錯誤，假設一切都很好，並允許這種情況繼續下去。但大約30分鐘后，在我看來，能量已經耗盡了會議。我正在下達指令，他也在回應，一切看起來都很好，但我只是知道事實並非如此，我有一個想法，這是關於眼神交流的事情，因為它讓我有點困擾。我告訴自己沒關係，但確實如此。因此，我暫停了會議，並與弗蘭克談論了充分接受指導並在進入他體內尋求回應之前看著我的重要性。

他明白了，我們重新開始。這一次我下達了指示，弗蘭克留在我身邊，保持眼神交流，所以我知道，我可以立即感覺到不同。他只是在得到指示后才移開視線，然後他做了一些新的事情：他停下來真正接受指示並考慮回應。然後我得到的回復品質完全不同。他以前一直非常開放和清晰，但感覺


我們之間有真正的工作正在進行，現在的參與品質。結果，弗蘭克達到了比我認為如果我們像以前一樣繼續下去他會發現的更深層次的洞察力。在會議結束時，當我問他是否有任何評論時，他立即說他非常感謝我停止了它並澄清了該怎麼做。他說他已經對這種工作風格非常熟悉，以至於它變得有點自動，但是，當他等待聽到指示時，他立即覺得我想瞭解他。這讓他感到更加脆弱，但也被感動了，他說他發現自己想出了不同類型的回應，感覺它們更多的是對他來說真正真實的。



我們可能犯的另一個錯誤是沒有直接向我們面前的人說話。出於這個原因，我們可能不會注意到他們是否得到了它。幾乎任何事情都可能出錯;這可能超出了客戶當前理解或遵守的能力。這對他們來說甚至可能太容易了，所以他們遙遙領先並失去興趣。我們必須做很多事情才能使指令直截了當，並將其清楚地傳達給客戶。



You and me equals more than two

The clearing communication cycle can also be represented as a formula (Figure 6.1): the adding together of my ability in communication with your ability in communication adds up to more than either of us has on our own. So, if I have 6 units of ability in communicating and you have 2 units, then added together we have 8 units.

For the duration of a Mind Clearing session, a person will have more ability in communication than usual, maybe not as many as 8 units, but perhaps 6 units, which is double the person’s usual capacity. Progress can swiftly be made in session so that, when they go out into the world, they may not carry the full 6 units away with them, but even 4 or 5 units, as opposed to the usual 2 units, makes for a real change in the way they communicate. Life will improve.









Figure 6.1 The Clearing formula



All the other techniques Berner tested out, like remembering the past, drawing off the charge and taking responsibility, are important. Even without this formula in operation, people may feel better because they may have discharged some emotion and got themselves heard. This may amount to significant improvement, but it is still in the realm of mind. There will be no actual progress because the mind has not been dealt with through the expedient of improving the ability to communicate.

Working with Denis began with quite small steps. His confidence in getting himself across and being received were low, so we worked together on various relationships and situations in his life, each time taking it slowly to develop Denis’ ability to get himself across clearly. After



only a few sessions, he was feeling much more cheerful and looked forward to coming along. The cycles between us were going much better and a typical example was this one, when we were looking at his sense of purpose in life:

Clearer: Tell me something you do in life that you enjoy. Denis: Well, it may seem a bit silly, but I enjoy fishing.

Clearer: Thank you. Is there any more on that?



Denis: I don’t know, it seems so silly but really, yes, the truth is I feel really good when I’m fly-fishing down in Wales where I go on holiday. It’s the best thing in life. I love it.

Clearer: I got it, yes, thank you.



This may look like a small thing, but previously it had been very difficult for Denis to say anything positive about himself or his life and the cycles had taken a long time to complete. It was also hard to hear what I was saying, and even when he did, to believe I was actually interested in what he had to say. So he would give me an answer that was often not related to the instruction at all but which he believed would be more entertaining. He had an idea that he had to entertain people or they would not love him. We discussed this and that helped (later on we went back to that attitude and tackled it with great results), but what really worked for Denis at the time was to see that I wanted to know and that I cared enough to persist with him until I got a response to the instruction. Still further, acknowledging his response, when it was direct, even if it seemed mundane or ordinary to him, was astonishing to him. He said this after the session quoted from above:

I just want to say that this has been amazing. I never really said anything about the fishing to anyone much because I thought people would think I was really boring. But it’s really important to me. It’s when I feel most alive. And it feels so good to tell you and for you to be interested. Thank you. It really matters.


The first step: giving the instruction

What needs to happen for a clearing communication cycle to be successful is that a clear thought must be conveyed to another person such that they have a task to perform and know what they must do to comply.

…get clear on what you want the person that you are helping to do and to get that thought across to him so that that person understands it. When you do this the person then knows what you want him to do.5

We are vague in our conversation with people much of the time; it is not OK to be vague in this situation. The thought, as an instruction ideally, but maybe a question, must be conveyed to the client fully and wholeheartedly without drama or emphasis. The Clearer must also really want to know what the response is going to be.

For instance, if there is the clear thought to tell me something you regret (about a particular situation), then that entire thought needs to be straight in the Clearer’s mind before saying it. Then it should be delivered clearly and fully. It is important that the client understand and receive that thought fully, so the Clearer must do whatever it takes to achieve that end. They might first need to explain that they are going to give the instruction and, if necessary, why they have chosen that particular instruction and what it means, before giving it.

If you don’t know what you’re after, what can you possibly communicate to the [client] but confusion? If you get the question off of a piece of paper and deliver it to the [client] without a full understanding of it yourself, what the [client] will receive is just that: a bunch of words with some vague idea that it says on a sheet of paper that the [Clearer] should ask. That is the thought he will receive. He will actually get that thought, because that’s the thought you have.6

The precise expression is not what matters in getting the instruction across; the communication is what matters. Within that parameter the Clearer can use whatever it takes, as long as it is ethical, to get the



thought or instruction across to the other person. The thought and the language used to convey it must be precise. Imprecision in the use of language reflects unclear understanding. Patanjali says, ‘Verbal delusion arises when words do not track [real] objects.’7 We must take care and recognise our own non-understanding reflected in our language.

Other things can also go wrong in this first step. The Clearer must be genuinely open to whatever answer the client gives. There is no right answer; there is just the answer the client gives to the instruction, just as long as it is a clear response to that particular instruction or question. Having an idea of what the response should be is an error since it is not being open to how it actually is for that client.

Amanda was working with Matt on his relationship with his mother. Unpacking the difficulties it became clear that it could help to work with Matt’s strong feelings of anger and guilt. So she gave the instruction to him to ‘Tell me something you did to your mother you think you shouldn’t have done.’

She realised later that she had made a mistake right from the start. Something Matt had told her in a previous session, about his relationship with his mother, had stuck firmly in her mind and she had only semi-consciously thought that he must surely be carrying quite a lot of guilt around about the incident. It had been when he was a teenager and had been into drugs. On one occasion he had attacked his mother and injured her quite badly. She had had this in her mind when she gave the instruction. But this was something Matt had done wrong in her estimation. For all she knew, he did not think it was a bad thing, yet Amanda was expecting this to come up and was looking for it as a compliance. As a result, she was only half-open to what Matt was saying when it was not about this incident. She was not actually open to what was true for Matt and this became a problem until Amanda realised the restrictions she was putting on Matt’s responses. She had not been willing to draw that particular technique to a close when it would have been more useful to move on, because she was waiting for Matt to come up with this one thing.



Another problem can arise if the client gives a response that the Clearer does not agree is correct. In this case, too, the cycle will not be complete. For instance, if the Clearer gives the instruction, ‘Tell me something you love about life,’ and the client responds, ‘I love taking revenge on people at work and messing up their career prospects,’ this may be something the Clearer finds difficult to accept as something that anyone could really love about life, because it does not correspond to their views about what there is to love about life. They might check out exactly why that is something the client really ‘loves’ and what that means for them, but if the client is sincere in their response, then the Clearer must simply accept this as a compliance.

It is the Clearer’s responsibility to see that the client understands and receives the instruction. If this goes wrong, then the cycle is crashed before it begins. If it did not work the first or second time, then it is important to keep working on getting it across. That is not necessarily achieved by repeating it again and again; that may compound the problem of non-understanding and take a long time. If they do not understand, it will be necessary to find another way to get it across. This must be done until it is evident that the person has got the instruction and knows what is wanted of them. The Clearer should make this as easy for them as possible. However, the Clearer might have done what they could to get it across but not be certain whether or not it was understood. The easiest way of being sure they got it is that the client simply goes ahead and complies. But they might take a while to do this and it could be worth checking it out with them. The Clearer does what it takes to get the thought or instruction across to the client until it is certain they have got it.

Many things can go wrong, even with this relatively simple- sounding first step. There are numerous opportunities for pitfalls that will derail the cycle and mean no progress will be made. It might be the wrong instruction to begin with. This would be the case if the area being worked on is not really where the person’s interest is at that time; the work is then going against the grain and it will not help much, if at all.

For example, if the client has just had a blazing row with her boss and walked out of her job and can only think about the consequences,



then it may not be helpful to continue to work on her communication to her long-dead mother at that point. The Clearer would need to look at the current crisis before going back to the other area. If this mistake is made and the Clearer ploughs on in the face of minimal interest, the client will lose faith. They will probably still do their best to comply and do the work, but really the Clearer has lost them.

This happened with a client who had been coming to me for about eight sessions. The going had been increasingly sticky and, from about the fourth session, I would come away feeling heavy and confused. We would seem to be working on good, relevant material, but it felt like I was fighting something blurry. After the eighth session, I was also pretty sure she wouldn’t come back because we’d ended in such a flat way and she hadn’t been sure about when she’d be free next. So I got consultation and really focused on what was happening between us.

Finally, and to my relief, she did come back so, at the start of the ninth session, I asked her how things were going for her and what had helped and what hadn’t so far. I was quite taken aback by her response. She told me that right back near the start, she had brought a really important issue to the session about a situation with her best friend. But instead of asking her what she wanted to work on that time, I’d assumed the ongoing trouble with her husband would be what we would look at and I just went on ahead with that. At the time I thought it was a reasonable assumption to make, as things were quite rocky between them and they had just had a confrontation. But really she had felt very troubled by the issue with her friend and wanted badly to sort that out in the session. Although we’d apparently done some good work in the subsequent five sessions, I could immediately see now that we hadn’t got anywhere much at all because she’d stopped believing in the work and was sitting there being polite, going along with it all and trying her best, but really resenting me and feeling unheard.

After that talk at the start of session nine, everything changed. I really understood what effect this had had and admitted I’d made a mistake. The atmosphere between us clarified right then and we forged ahead and it really



felt like we were working together. I felt very moved, in fact, humbled that she’d been honest enough to tell me and also that I’d been fool enough to think I knew best for her.



The person might not be paying attention properly when the instruction is delivered and the Clearer did not notice or went ahead anyway hoping the person would catch up. It is important to wait until the client’s attention is right there.

Michaela: When Frank came to me for sessions he’d already done a lot of work, especially in Enlightenment Intensives, and was very well practised at looking inside. So he came along with a clear idea of what he wanted to work on and I saw no reason not to go ahead with that. So we plunged right in. Frank was familiar with the format, so I would go to give an instruction like, ‘Tell me what was suppressed in that problem,’ and he would lose eye contact with me halfway through me giving it. I was pretty sure from observing him that this was because he was so eager to get going that he was starting to look inside for a response even before I’d finished the instruction. He would quite quickly come back with a considered and sometimes powerful response. So I made a mistake and assumed all was well and allowed this to continue. But after about 30 minutes, it seemed to me that the energy had gone out of the session. I was giving instructions and he was responding, and it all looked OK but I just knew it wasn’t and I had an idea it was something about that eye contact because it was bothering me a bit. I’d told myself it didn’t matter, but it did. So I paused the session and spoke to Frank about the importance of receiving the instruction fully and looking at me before going inside himself for a response.

He understood and we started again. This time I gave the instruction and Frank stayed with me, holding eye contact so I knew and I could feel the difference immediately. He only looked away when he’d got the instruction and then he did something new: he paused to really take the instruction in and to consider the response. The quality of responses I then got was quite different. He had been perfectly open and clear before, but it felt like


there was real work going on between us and a quality of engagement now. As a result, Frank reached a much deeper level of insight than I think he would have found had we carried on as before. At the end of the session, when I asked if he had any comments, he immediately said how grateful he was that I’d stopped it when I had and clarified what to do. He said he’d become so familiar with the style of work that it had become a bit automatic, but, when he waited to hear the instruction, he instantly felt like I wanted to know about him. This made him feel more vulnerable but also touched and he said he found himself coming up with different kinds of responses that felt like they were much more about what was really true for him.



Another error we can make is not addressing ourselves straight to the individual in front of us. For this reason as well, we might not notice whether they got it or not. Almost anything can go wrong; it might be beyond the client’s current ability to understand or to comply. It might even be too easy for them, so they are way ahead and lose interest. There is a lot we have to get right in getting the instruction straight and getting it across to the client clearly.