第二步：客戶做他們被指示做的事情 Part R

 第二步：客戶做他們被指示做的事情

第二步，使[頭腦清醒]不同於僅僅相互交流，是你現在正在説明的人執行你告訴他做的事情，並告訴你他想出了什麼作為遵守你的指示的結果。
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當客戶得到指示並遵守時，應該可以看到他們已經進去並尋找真正的回應。他們已經這樣做了，他們真誠地尋找，然後他們找到了一些東西並傳達了它。

雷切爾，更清楚的人：事實上，我和露西一起檢查過。我給她指示「告訴我她快樂



的時間。她似乎真的聽到了我的聲音，然後她會移開視線幾秒鐘，然後回答說：“我記得我四歲左右的時候，和姐姐在花園裡玩耍，感覺非常高興。陽光明媚，我們打扮得花枝招展，笑著跑來跑去。

客戶露西：瑞秋會給我一個像這裡這樣的指示。我花了一段時間才真正體會到她想要一個直接的答案。現在這看起來很奇怪，但實際上很奇怪，一開始看到這真的是想要的。我學會了真正傾聽她想要什麼，然後走進去尋求對我來說非常真實的回應。有時候很難說出來，但我漸漸學會了只為我說真話，就像那段和姐姐在一起的時光，很開心。



第二步實際上包括兩個動作：1）尋找和2）傳達他們的發現。可能是他們看了看，什麼也找不到。如果發生這種情況，那麼通常情況下，這是因為他們被困住了，而不是他們真的沒有做任何他們認為不應該做的事情。在這種情況下，需要鼓勵他們回去再看一遍，直到他們想出一些東西，無論大小。

沒有其他人可以為這個人做到這一點。學習和進步只能來自自己動手。Clearer可能會確定他們知道客戶在摸索什麼，向他們提供這種見解似乎是最有説明的事情。這是一個錯誤。可以準確地解釋他們想要什麼，以及為什麼，需要多少次，以盡可能多的方式。

每個[清除溝通週期]都必須包含您正在幫助的個人的行動。如果沒有，那麼你所做的只是操縱他或和他聊天，這可能是非常好和愉快的，但不會有任何能力的增加。所以他必須按照你的指示採取行動。


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只是偶爾有人會往裡面看，照所吩咐的去做，卻什麼也找不到。如果他們真的看過，這沒關係。他們按照吩咐做了，並報告了回來。但大多數情況下會有一些東西可以聯繫起來，而清除者的工作是看到他們清楚地做到這一點。

第二步可能會出錯。例如，有些人很容易離開切線，不回答問題或說明。在日常對話中，這種情況一直在進行;他們可能會陷入隨意的聯繫中。10 人們被另一件事提醒，觸發第三件事，依此類推。這是有道理的，因為一件事與另一件事有點相關;但這些是鏈鏈，11 它們在頭腦中是隨機相關的。這些聯繫是沒有意義的，傾聽它們，雖然通常是社會規範，但如果目的實際上是提供真正的幫助和心靈的解脫，那麼是無濟於事的。

指令可能是「告訴我你做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情」，他們會想到一些事情。也許他們記得他們踢過貓一次，一直對此感到難過。他們可能會也可能不會報告這一點，如果他們沒有，那麼這本身就是一個問題。無論如何，這個想法可能會引發一個關於貓的故事，然後可能是一個關於鄰居的貓的故事等等，直到 Clearer 完全失去了線索，這個人現在正在談論他們在加勒比海的航海假期，而 Clearer 正在努力回到正題。

這種隨意的談話應該儘快停止。人們最初可能會對被打斷感到有點驚訝，特別是如果他們接受過一些其他類型的治療來鼓勵它。儘管如此，必須善意但堅定地打斷它們，必須追求遵守，否則迴圈將被打破。合規性和週期有所説明。必須充分表達和理解回應，直到該人完成為止，但不能超過此。它可能會引發一些見解，這可能是積極的。但這是一個判斷電話。如果這些見解對客戶來說顯然是真正新穎和有價值的東西，那麼重要的是要聽聽他們要說什麼，並可能鼓勵他們說更多的話，以完全從頭腦中釋放出來。另一方面，最初看起來像



切線的東西在某些情況下可能並非如此。有些人需要時間來努力實現合規性，如果要求他們解釋他們所說內容的相關性，他們可以這樣做。至少首先，他們可能需要講述整個故事以解釋合規性;如果沒有上下文，這對他們來說是不完整的。正如他們所看到的，他們的 Clearer 需要了解這些背景知識才能了解合規性。人們在這方面差異很大。但是，如果它只是在鏈條中從一個想法跳到另一個想法，它應該被阻止。應該尋求合規性，然後清除者必須繼續下一個指令。

另一個陷阱是，Clearer在下達指令之前沒有弄清楚，因此客戶不清楚他們想要什麼，或者由於其他原因不理解它。如果他們不理解指令，清除者有責任對其進行整理並傳達。

有一個適合[客戶]級別的好指令是值得的，但無論指導有多好，除非你知道你想要的是什麼，否則它都不會起作用。確保[客戶]已經得到了它，確保[客戶]對他已經回答了它感到滿意，並確保你確切地看到[客戶]是如何做到的看到這是一個答案或遵守。如果你不遵循那個程式，不管問題、說明或技術有多好，不管它有多合適，它都不會起作用。12

或者，客戶可能會給出 Clearer 不理解為合規的回應。

清妖嬈指示「告訴我一些他們認為不應該做的事情。鮑勃對此的反應是說：“我笑了。在這種情況下，Clearer不知道Bob指的是什麼，因此無法判斷它是否合規。所以他檢查了一下，果然，鮑勃可以很容易地解釋，這個指令立即引發了他的記憶，當他摔倒並割傷他的手併為此感到內疚時，他的弟弟被嘲笑。這是一種順從，因為這是他認為他不應該



做的事情。一旦解釋，Clearer就得到了它並承認了合規性。該週期已完成。



這個人是來尋求説明的，而清除者只是在那裡幫助他們。雖然阻止他們全力以赴似乎並不禮貌，但這樣做正在幫助他們，他們最終會感激它，即使他們一開始覺得這有點不禮貌或奇怪。事實上，如果他們不保持在直線和狹窄上，他們將很快對更清晰和過程失去信心，因為允許他們漫無邊際將沒有任何幫助，他們將在某種程度上知道這一點。

客戶可能對給出的指示不感興趣，並決定回答他們自己的一些替代指示;如果是這種情況，重新評估目前正在處理的領域並找到更符合該人所在位置的內容可能是相關的。但這也可能是一種迴避，所以追求它是至關重要的，直到客戶接近他們正在避免的事情並繼續下去，或者偶爾，正在處理的問題領域被重新構建。

正如伯納所描述的，最常見的問題是來訪者：

甚至根本不考慮、思考或冥想你的指令，或者他在最膚淺的層面上這樣做。因為他還沒有學會如何主觀地或從自己身上執行某事，所以他沒有執行指令。13

在這種情況下，必須幫助客戶瞭解想要什麼，以便他們能夠做到這一點。他們可能不知道如何向內看。這對他們來說可能根本沒有意義，因為他們從未嘗試過，以前也沒有人要求他們這樣做，所以他們怎麼知道？

客戶向內看和溝通的能力可能比人們想像的要差得多。他們可能表現為一個適應良好、有意識、功能正常的人，擁有一份負責任的工作、一所房子和一個家庭，看起來都很正常，但當涉及到諮詢自己並報告他們實際發生的事情的細節時，他們處於未知的領域。

如果是這種情況，他們將不得不得到指導，也許是詳細的，如何查看內部並遵守。有必要從小處



著手並構建。這可能意味著解釋合規性和精確性。什麼時候很明顯，他們正在盡最大努力向內看並遵守指示並傳達結果，這必須暫時接受。更清晰的人可能知道合規不完全，但下次會更深入、更清晰，他們已經有了開始，並且已經取得了進展。客戶可能會在會議結束後回家，比以往任何時候都更清楚地向他們的配偶解釋一些事情。這在他們的家庭中可能是革命性的。

但是，在某些情況下，該人可能沒有傳達足以將其接受為合規性的內容。他們來參加會議是因為在某種程度上他們並不擅長溝通。因此，即使他們向內看並提出了回應並試圖將其傳達出去，他們也可能沒有足夠的資訊來使其被識別出來。很多人都是如此。他們四處走動，確信他們已經像任何人一樣清楚，但事實上，沒有人真正理解他們在說什麼，也沒有人投入工作來試圖弄清楚它。對於這樣的人，更清晰可能並不像擴展思想那麼容易;他們自己並不真正確定自己在說什麼。他們需要説明。

一個更清晰的人不應該對此太嚴格。只要溝通能夠被足夠清楚地理解為合規，並認識到客戶正在盡力而為，這應該暫時被接受;這是一個開始。但至關重要的是幫助他們更清楚地瞭解他們在說什麼，並把他們拉出來，直到他們對自己和更清晰的人更有意義。

對我來說，一個很好的例子是威爾遜。他在生活的某些領域非常有能力，並且在專業上非常成功。但是，當談到他與周圍人的關係中的某些問題時，例如更多的週邊朋友和他認為在社區中具有權威的人，他讓自己瞭解的能力急劇下降，他感到不知所措和壓力，他甚至難以確定問題所在。最後，他把它簡化為這樣的事情，“當我



不得不與生活中的一些人打交道時，我感到愚蠢和自我意識。我們逐漸解決這個問題，直到他更清楚他到底發生了什麼，充電水準降低到他可以在它周圍放鬆更多，並進一步工作到他很少被它困擾的地方。但首先，對於威爾遜來說，僅僅解決一個可命名的問題是非常困難的。他來到會議時知道他想解決這種困難和壓力的感覺，但是，當我要求他更多地談論它時，他張口結舌，發現很難專注於這個問題，因為它在他的腦海中如此聚集並粘在一起。最後他說，『有些人讓我真的很緊張。從那時起，我們慢慢地描繪了這些情況下發生的事情，並變得更加清晰。



預扣稅是另一個常見問題。事實上，整個心靈的問題可以說是一個大問題。但是這有不同的層次。有很多原因導致一個人在看起來不明白時可能不會傳達他們遇到的問題。de 以找到合規性。他們拒絕溝通。例如，他們可能會為自己所想到的事情感到羞恥，並認為如果他們說出來，他們就不會受到尊重或喜歡。或者他們可能不說，因為他們認為沒有人可能理解;以前，誰也沒明白，為什麼這一次眼前的人會有什麼不同呢？或者他們不完全明白他們遇到了什麼。

出於這些原因之一，他們並沒有真正傳達所發生的事情，或者他們說了其他事情，或者只是其中的一小部分，他們認為會讓他們的 Clearer 滿意並讓他們擺脫困境。這裡有足夠的機會出錯，因為如果忽略這一點，並且 Clearer 繼續接受其中任何一個作為合規性，那麼迴圈將被打亂並且不會有任何進展。如果這種不遵守行為被接受，他們將失去信心，即使這是他們所呈現的。他們會在某種程度上知道它，如果它發生得太頻繁，他們可能不會回來。無論如何，Clearer最終將不得不稍後回去找出問題所在，因為這會破壞各方之間的流動，並且會



阻止進度

- 也許不是完全，但它會被堵塞。

詹姆斯在來上課時有很多扣留要開始。我們逐漸處理了很多潛在的羞恥感。但起初，當我要求他多說一些事情時，他臉上經常會出現一種表情，暗示有什麼事情發生了。然後他經常搖搖頭，幾乎不知不覺地，環顧四周，想說點別的話。他總是盡力如實回答，但他經常不說出他腦海中浮現的第一件事。第一件事往往充滿了焦慮，有時甚至是羞恥。事實上，他非常擔心可能出現什麼，以至於他繞過了第一個想法，以防它們令人羞恥，並嚴格審查了他的回答，即使當他真正想到它時，很難想出他真正感到羞恥的事情。

當我問他首先想到了什麼時，他會說，『啊，沒什麼重要的。我和他一起努力工作，漸漸地他開始表達其中的一部分：“哦，那段時間我不太喜歡自己，但現在我已經結束了，我接受自己”;甚至“真的什麼都沒想出來，我只是想了想我以後要做什麼。需要一些技巧才能知道要追求這些答案中的哪一個，因為很明顯他正在盡最大努力傳達出現的內容，並且對他所阻止的一些事情感到壓力很大。

然後，有一天，他進來說，『我決定不說這個，但無論如何我都要說』，然後繼續告訴我一些他一直隱瞞的過去，關於他在商業交易中的行為方式，他感到非常羞恥。他還告訴我，就他而言，他從未向任何人展示過真實的自我。這對他來說是巨大的。但光是說這些話，他的神態立刻就輕鬆了。他在會議中以及餘生中讓自己跨越的能力躍升，他的生意也開始再次蓬勃發展。



清除者可以自己破壞迴圈因為沒有正確傾聽。他們可能是被客戶說的話觸發的，開始思考他們自己的問題，例如和他們的母親，或者他們可能只是因為想著他們晚餐要做什麼或他們需要做賬而分心。無論如何，當客戶交流並且不完全理解或錯過關鍵單詞或短語時，他們會考慮其他事情。在這種情況下，清除者需要要求他們再說一遍。

一個人可能沒有正確傾聽的另一種方式是，他們以一種狹隘的方式傾聽，因為他們在判斷客戶在說什麼，甚至可能不是有意識的。

金妮：我意識到我聽到了瑞秋說她覺得她應該做更多的事情來説明她的母親，但儘管它進入了我的耳朵，我一直在想，就我而言，她做得綽綽有餘。所以我犯了一個錯誤，幾乎摧毀了整個會話。我告訴她，她給自己帶來了一段非常艱難的時光，並且已經為她的母親做了很多事情，也許她應該努力為自己爭取一些支援。

我一說出來，我就覺得說錯了。瑞秋用一種奇怪的方式看著我，我看得出來，我只是沒有好好傾聽她真正關心的問題。無論她是否明智地審視自己的支持系統，那都不是會議的地方。在這一點上，對瑞秋來說，我必須真正理解她對母親的悲傷和她不足的感覺。我自己關於什麼是合理的觀念幾乎完全遮罩了我面前試圖表達她困難感受的真實人物。據我所知，我是她向她傾訴的第一個人，我正在執行一些任務，而不是和她在一起，根本不瞭解她的情況。即使我是對的，後來認為瑞秋可以清楚地查看自己的支持系統，但錯誤在於沒有瞭解她的一切情況並做出自己的判斷，這



實際上在許多方面與她真正意義上的適合她做有很大不同。



如果清除者認為客戶並沒有真正按照指示遵守規定，即使客戶可能認為他們是，並且清除者沒有採取任何措施來阻止這一點，那麼清除者就會變得困倦。他們必須回想。有沒有一些他們不相信的東西沒有受到挑戰？

更清楚：告訴我你特別的態度如何影響你的生活。

客戶：這意味著我待人更好。更清楚：好的，是的，謝謝。

在這種情況下，Clearer不確定如何擁有一種特殊的態度，這是這位客戶認為他經常經歷的事情，如何讓他更好地對待別人。它需要檢查出來。在面對不確定性時，放任其並承認這是一種合規性將破壞迴圈。



另一方面，如果客戶正在回應並且 Clearer 很高興他們正在獲得合規性，但 clIent並不真正相信他們正在提供適當的合規性，然後客戶會感到困倦。如果發生這種情況，Clearer 將需要檢查客戶的情況，並讓他們更多地解釋他們的合規性，直到雙方都完成。

更清楚：告訴我“我很特別”的態度如何影響你的生活。

客戶：嗯，我想我在工作中往往非常積極主動，併為新專案提出自己。

更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。

客戶：特別意味著我更好地對待別人。



更清楚：好的，謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。

客戶：嗯...好吧，我想有時可能會讓我有點刻薄......就像當人們在事情上不如我時，我有時會變得不耐煩。

更清楚：謝謝，是的，我明白了。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。

客戶：（相當長的停頓）我不確定，真的。我想認為我很特別有點傲慢，所以我可能會得罪人。我基本上已經控制住了它，但這聽起來沒錯，有些人被我說的話冒犯了。

更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。

客戶：（停頓時間更長）我不知道，真的。我不認為這種態度真的讓我在生活中受到太多影響。大多數時候它似乎對我來說效果很好。

在這種情況下，這聽起來像是一個清晰的溝通週期，但事實並非如此。Clearer有一些以這種態度工作的經驗，所以她借鑒了這一點以及她自己的案例，並自己填補了週期中的空白。她明白，四處認為自己很特別會讓你認為自己對別人更好，所以這可能是一個明顯的順從，她犯了一個錯誤，並選擇以自己的方式理解回應。她沒有檢查出來。



事實上，客戶從一開始就對他的回答感到不安。他給出的順從是他喜歡認為是真的，但他已經確定這是一種對他來說是一個問題的態度，所以他說的話與此不符。事實上，他的Clearer似乎認為這是可以的，這也令人困惑，因為他們一直在談論這種態度。所以他的判斷感覺很混亂。另一方面，這並不需要他付出太多的努力，因為他的智力越來越高，所以他繼續前進，因為他渴望會議順利進行，並選擇假設她


是對的。但當他放鬆到會議突然變得如此容易時，他開始感到困倦。

有時，會話可能很難進行，如果 Clearer 放棄將指令傳達給客戶，它就會脫軌。週期可能很難建立，客戶可能處於糟糕的方式，在長切線上偏離並且從未真正真正掌握要求他們開始糾正這種情況的原因。這需要Clearer的堅韌和勇氣，有時他們實際上放棄了將指令傳達給客戶。在這種情況下，他們最終可能會進行足夠愉快的聊天，或者客戶只會從一件事跳到另一件事，但會話將不起作用。Clearer必須致力於幫助客戶，要做到這一點，指令必須明確，必須傳達，以便客戶得到並遵守。實現這一目標需要多長時間並不重要。這就是工作。一旦它回到正軌，指令清晰，能量就會恢復，可能已經建立起來的混亂感就會消失。那種糊塗的感覺就是頭腦。



The second step: the client does what they have been instructed to do

The second step, which makes [Mind Clearing] different than just communicating back and forth to each other, is that the individual you are helping now executes what it is that you told him to do and tells you what he came up with as a result of complying with your instruction.8

When the client has got the instruction and complies, it should be possible to see that they have gone inside and looked for a true response. They have done this, they have looked sincerely and then they find something and they communicate it.

Rachel, the Clearer: I checked it out with Lucy, in fact. I gave her the instruction to ‘Tell me a time she was



happy.’ She seemed to really hear me and then she would look away for a few seconds before responding with something like, ‘I remember when I was about four, playing in the garden with my sister and feeling really happy. The sun was shining and we were dressing up and running round laughing.’

Lucy, the client: Rachel would give me an instruction like the one here. It took me a little while to really appreciate that she wanted a straight answer to her question. Now that seems strange, but it was actually strange to start with to see that this was really what was wanted. I learned to really hear what she wanted and then go inside for a response that was really true for me. Sometimes it was difficult to say it, but I gradually learned to just say the truth for me, like that time with my sister and being happy.



Step two actually consists of two actions: 1) looking and 2) communicating what they found. It might be that they looked and could not find anything. If this happens, then more often than not, it is because they are stuck rather than there really is nothing they have done they think they should not have done. In this case, they will need to be encouraged to go back and look again until they come up with something, however big or small.

No one else can do this for the person. The learning and progress can only come from doing it themselves. The Clearer might be certain they know what the client is groping around for and it can seem like the most helpful thing to offer that insight to them. That is an error. It can be explained exactly what is wanted from them, and why, as many times and in as many ways as it takes.

Every [clearing communication cycle] must contain an action by the individual that you are helping. If it doesn’t, then all you are doing is just manipulating him or chatting with him, which might be very nice and pleasant but there won’t be any increase in ability. So he must carry out an action in compliance with your instruction.9



Just occasionally someone will look inside and do what was asked but there was nothing they could find. This is OK if they have really looked. They did what they were told to do and reported back. But mostly there will be something to relate and it is the Clearer’s job to see that they do this clearly.

There is plenty that can go awry with the second step. For instance, some people easily go off on tangents and do not respond to the question or instruction. In day-to-day conversation this goes on all the time; they might get stuck in casual connected thoughts.10 People are reminded of something by another thing that triggers a third thing, and so forth. It makes a kind of sense in that one thing is sort of related to the next; but these are chains,11 they are related randomly in the mind. The connections are meaningless, and listening to them, while often the social norm, is unhelpful if the purpose is actually to offer real help and relief from the mind.

The instruction might be to ‘Tell me something you did that you think you shouldn’t have done,’ and they think of something. Maybe they remember they kicked the cat one time and have always felt bad about it. They may or may not actually report this, and if they did not, then that is a problem in itself. In any case, the thought may trigger a story about the cat and then maybe a story about their neighbour’s cat and so on until the Clearer has lost the thread entirely and the person is now talking about their sailing holiday in the Caribbean and the Clearer is struggling to get back to the point.

This kind of random talking should be stopped as quickly as possible. People might be a bit surprised to be interrupted initially, especially if they have had some other kinds of therapy which encourage it. Nonetheless, they must kindly, but firmly, be interrupted and the compliance must be pursued, or the cycle will be broken. It is the compliance and cycle that helps. The response must be expressed and understood fully, until the person is complete on it, but not more than this. It may trigger some insights and that might be positive. But this is a judgement call. If the insights are clearly something really new and valuable to the client, then it is important to hear what they have to say and possibly encourage them to say more to discharge it completely from the mind. On the other hand, what might look



initially like a tangent may not be in some instances. Some people take time to work their way round to a compliance, and if they are asked to explain the relevance of what they are saying, they can do so. At least to start with, they may need to tell the whole story in order to explain the compliance; it would not be complete for them without the context. As they see it, their Clearer needs to know this background stuff in order to understand the compliance. People vary in this enormously. But if it is just jumping from one thought to another in a chain, it should be stopped. The compliance should be sought and then the Clearer must go on to the next instruction.

Another pitfall is that the Clearer did not get the thought straight before they gave the instruction and the client was consequently unclear on what was wanted of them or did not understand it for some other reason. If they have not understood the instruction, it is the Clearer’s responsibility to sort it out and get it across.

It pays to have a good instruction that’s appropriate to the [client’s] level, but no matter how good the instruction is, it won’t work unless you know what it is you’re after. Make sure the [client] has got it, make sure the [client] is satisfied that he has answered it and make sure you see exactly how the [client] sees that this is an answer or compliance to that. If you don’t follow that procedure, it doesn’t matter how good the question or the instruction or the technique is, it doesn’t matter how appropriate it is, it won’t work.12

Alternatively, the client might give a response the Clearer does not understand as a compliance.

The Clearer gave the instruction to ‘Tell me something they think they should not have done.’ Bob’s response to this was to say, ‘I laughed.’ The Clearer in this case had no idea what Bob was referring to and so could not judge whether or not it was a compliance. So he checked it out and, sure enough, Bob could easily explain that the instruction had immediately triggered a memory of laughing at his little brother when he fell down and cut his hand and feeling guilty about it. It was a compliance because it was something he thought he should not



have done. Once it was explained, the Clearer got it and acknowledged the compliance. The cycle was completed.



The person has come for help and the Clearer is only there to help them. While it may not seem polite to stop them in full flow, it is helping them by doing so and they will appreciate it finally, even if they find it a bit impolite or odd in the beginning. In fact, they will rapidly lose faith in the Clearer and the process if they are not kept on the straight and narrow, because allowing them to ramble will not be of any help and they will know this on some level.

The client may not be interested in the instruction given and decide to answer some alternative instruction of their own; if this is the case, it may be relevant to reassess the area currently being worked on and find something more in line with where the person is. But it may also be an avoidance, so it is vital to pursue it until either the client approaches what they are avoiding and goes on, or, occasionally, the problem area being worked on is reframed.

The most common problem as Berner describes it is that the client:

doesn’t even consider or contemplate or meditate on your instruction at all, or he does it on the most superficial level. Because he hasn’t learned how to execute something subjectively or from himself, he does not execute the instruction.13

In this case the client must be helped to understand what is wanted so they can do it. They might not know how to look inside. It simply might make no sense to them because they have never tried it and no one has ever asked them to do it before, so how would they know?

A client’s ability to look inside and communicate might be a lot worse than one assumes it could be. They might present as a well-adjusted, aware, functioning individual with a responsible job, a house and a family all that looks normal, but when it gets down to the details of consulting themselves and reporting what is actually going on for them, they are in unknown territory.

If this is the case, they will have to be instructed, perhaps in detail, on how to look inside and comply. It will be necessary to start small



and build. This may mean explaining about compliance and being precise. When it is clear they are doing their best to look inside and comply with the instruction and communicate what comes up as a result, this must be accepted for the time being. The Clearer may know the compliance is not complete, but next time it will be deeper and clearer, and they have made a start and there has been progress. The client may go home after the session and explain something to their spouse more clearly than they have ever done before. That might be revolutionary in their household.

In some cases, however, the person might not communicate what came up enough for it to be accepted as a compliance. They are coming to sessions because to some degree or another they are not that great at communicating. So, even when they have looked inside and come up with a response and attempted to get it across, they may not have got it across enough for it to be recognised as such. This is true of many people. They go around certain they have been as clear as anyone could be, but in fact no one really understands much of what they are saying and no one puts the work in to try to get clear on it. For such a person, being clearer might not be as easy as just expanding the thought; they are not really certain about what they are saying themselves. They need help.

A Clearer should never be too strict about this. As long as the communication can be understood clearly enough as a compliance and recognised that the client is doing their best, this should be accepted for the time being; it is a start. But it will be vital to help them get clearer on what they are saying and draw them out until they are making better sense to themselves and to the Clearer.

A good example of this for me was Wilson. He was very able in some areas of his life and professionally highly successful. But when it came to talking about certain areas of problem around his relationships with people around him, such as more peripheral friends and people he saw as having authority in the community, his capacity to get himself across dropped dramatically and he felt so overwhelmed and stressed by it that he even struggled to identify the problem. Finally he whittled it down to something like, ‘I feel stupid and self-conscious when I



have to deal with some people in my life.’ We gradually worked through this until he became clearer about what was actually going on for him, and the level of charge was reduced to the point where he could relax more around it and work on it further to where he was rarely troubled by it. But to begin with, just getting to having a nameable problem to work on was extremely hard for Wilson. He came to the session knowing he wanted to work on this feeling of difficulty and stress but, when I asked him to talk more about it, he was tongue-tied and found it tremendously hard to focus on the issue, as it was so clumped up and stuck together in his mind. Eventually he said, ‘Some people make me really nervous.’ From that point we slowly built a picture of what happened in these situations and got clearer on it.



Withholding is another common problem. In fact, the whole problem of the mind can be described as one big problem of withholding. But there are different levels of this. There are many reasons why a person might not communicate what comes up for them when they look inside to find a compliance. They withhold the communication. They might, for instance, be ashamed of what they have thought of and assume they will not be respected or liked if they say it. Or they might not say it because they think no one could possibly understand; before, no one else ever understood, so why should the person in front of them this time be any different? Or they do not entirely understand what came up for them.

For one of these reasons they do not really communicate what came up or they say something else or only a small part of it that they think will satisfy their Clearer and get them off their back. Here is ample opportunity for going wrong because if this is ignored and the Clearer goes ahead and accepts any of these as a compliance, then the cycle will be disrupted and there will be no progress. They will lose faith if this non-compliance is accepted, even though this is what they are presenting. They will know it at some level and if it happens too often, they may not come back. In any case, the Clearer will end up having to go back later and work out what went wrong because it is a



disruption in the flow between the parties and it will halt the progress

– maybe not completely, but it will be clogged up.

James had a lot of withholds to begin with when he came for sessions. There was a lot of underlying shame that we gradually dealt with. But at first, he would regularly have an expression on his face suggesting something had come up when I asked him to say more about something. Then he would often shake his head, almost imperceptibly, and look around for something else to say. He always did his best to respond truthfully, but he often did not say the first thing that came into his head. The first thing was often loaded with anxiety and sometimes shame. In fact, he was so anxious about what might come up that he skirted round first thoughts just in case they were shameful and severely censored his responses, even though when he actually thought about it, it was quite difficult to come up with things of which he really felt ashamed.

When I would ask him what had come up first, he would say, ‘Ah, nothing important.’ I worked hard with him and gradually he began to express a part of it: ‘Oh, I didn’t like myself very much around that time but I’m over it now, I accept myself’; or even ‘Nothing came up really, I just had a thought about what I’ve got to do later.’ It took some skill to know which of these answers to pursue since it was clear he was doing his level best to communicate what came up and felt highly stressed by some of what he was holding back.

Then, one day, he came in and said, ‘I had decided not to say this, but I’m going to anyway’ and proceeded to tell me something about his past he’d been withholding, about the way he had behaved in a business deal of which he felt very ashamed. He told me also that, as far as he was concerned, he had never shown his real self to anyone. This was huge for him. But just saying these things lightened his demeanour immediately. His ability in getting himself across in sessions, and also in the rest of his life, leaped up and his business also started to flourish again.



The Clearer can derail the cycle all by themselves by not listening properly. They could have been triggered by something the client said into thinking about their own problems, with their mother, for instance, or they could simply be distracted by thinking about what they are going to cook for dinner or that they need to do their accounts. In any case, they were thinking about something else when the client was communicating and did not understand fully or missed a crucial word or phrase. In this case, the Clearer will need to ask them to say it again.

Another way a person may not have listened properly is that they were listening in a narrowed way because they were judging what the client was saying, perhaps not even consciously.

Ginny: I realised I was hearing what Rachel was saying about how she feels she should be doing more to help her mother, but although it was going into my ears, I was all the time thinking that, as far as I was concerned, she was doing more than enough. So I made an error that nearly destroyed the whole session. I told her she was giving herself a really hard time and was doing lots for her mother already and perhaps she should work at getting some support for herself.

As soon as I’d said it I could feel it was the wrong thing to say. Rachel looked at me in a strange way and I could see that I just hadn’t been listening properly to what her concerns really were. Whether or not she might be wise to look at her own support systems, that was not where the session was. At that point, it was essential to Rachel that I really understand her sadness about her mother and her feelings of being inadequate. My own ideas about what was reasonable had pretty much completely blocked out the real person in front of me trying to articulate her difficult feelings. From what I understood, I was the first person she was confiding in, and I was off on some mission and not with her and getting how it was for her at all. Even if I was right, and later had thought it was clear that Rachel could do with looking at her own support systems, the error was in not getting how it all was for her and making my own judgement, which was



actually quite different in many respects from her real sense of what was appropriate for her to do.



If the Clearer thinks the client is not really giving a compliance in line with the instruction, even though the client may think they are, and the Clearer does nothing to stop this, then the Clearer will become sleepy. They must think back. Was there something that was left unchallenged that they were not convinced by?

Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude that you’re special affects you in life.

Client: It means I treat people better. Clearer: OK, yes, thank you.

In this case, the Clearer was not sure how having an attitude of being special, which is what this client identified as something he often experienced, made him treat people better. It needed to be checked out. Letting this go and acknowledging it as a compliance in the face of uncertainty would derail the cycle.



If, on the other hand, the client is responding and the Clearer is happy they are getting compliances, but the client is not really convinced they are giving proper compliances, then the client will get sleepy. If this happens, the Clearer will need to check out what is going on with the client and get them to explain their compliances more until both get that they are complete.

Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.

Client: Well, I suppose I tend to be quite proactive at work and put myself forward for new projects.

Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.

Client: Being special means I treat people better.



Clearer: OK, thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.

Client: Um…well, I guess it probably makes me a bit mean sometimes…like when people aren’t as good as I am at things, I can get impatient sometimes.

Clearer: Thank you, yes, I get that. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.

Client: (quite long pause) I’m not sure, really. I suppose thinking I’m special is a bit arrogant, so I probably offend people. I’ve mostly got it under control, but that sounds right, some people are offended by things I say.

Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.

Client: (much longer pause) I don’t know, really. I don’t think this attitude really holds me up much in life. It seems to work pretty well for me most of the time.

In this case, it sounds like a clearing communication cycle, but it is not. The Clearer had had some experience of working with this sort of attitude, so she drew on this as well as her own case and filled in the gaps in the cycle herself. She understood how going around thinking you’re special can make you think you’re treating people better, so it could be a clear compliance and she made a mistake and elected to understand the responses in her own way. She did not check it out.



In fact, the client was feeling uneasy about his responses from the start. He was giving compliances he liked to think were true but he had already identified this as an attitude that was a problem for him, so what he was saying was out of line with that. The fact that his Clearer seemed to think it was OK was also confusing because of what they had been talking about with respect to this attitude. So his judgement felt mixed up. On the other hand, it was not requiring much hard work from him because he was increasingly intellectualising, so he carried on, as he was keen for the session to go well, and chose to assume she


was right. But as he relaxed into how easy the session had suddenly become, he started to feel sleepy.

Sometimes a session can be hard going and it will be derailed if the Clearer gives up on getting instructions across to the client. Cycles can be difficult to establish and the client may be in a bad way, going off on long tangents and never really grasping what it is that is being asked of them to start straightening this situation out. This requires tenacity and courage from a Clearer and sometimes they effectively give up on getting the instruction across to their client. In this case, they may end up with a pleasant enough chat or the client will just jump from one thing to another, but the session will not work. The Clearer has to be committed to helping the client, and to do this, the instruction must be clear and it must be communicated so that the client gets it and complies. It does not matter how long it takes to achieve this. This is the work. As soon as it is back on track, with the instruction clear, the energy snaps back and the muddled feeling that has likely built up clears. That muddled feeling is mind.