中斷通信
打破
溝通 在普通的溝通中,我們可能會進行愉快的對話,有一些理解,雙方可能會因為良好的接觸而感覺更好,但溝通能力不會提高,所以沒有什麼會改變有問題的想法和行為。事實上,大多數對話都是相當偶然的,充斥著不理解和半溝通。除此之外,還有一種恐懼,這種恐懼源於反覆的失敗經歷,即我們不會被聽到和理解。因此,我們常常不相信事情會有所不同。從想法產生到成功傳遞的任何階段都可能出現問題。這意味著隨著態度被新的經驗所強化,思想往往會被添加進來,這些經驗為我們充當“證據”,強化我們對事情可能有多混亂的想法。
但是,我們可以再次經歷學習過程,清除不理解,捆綁鬆散的末端並改變壞習慣。頭腦清除通過減慢溝通過程並逐步重建它來做到這一點,以在更堅實的基礎上建立技能。
基本通信週期
迴圈是循環的東西。它不需要回到它開始的地方,但它有一個返回元素。在基本的溝通週期中,一個人有一個他們想要交流的想法,然後將其傳達給另一個得到它的人,雙方都知道這已經發生了。每次發生這種情況時,它都算作一個通信週期;它是轉移思想並知道它已被接收的行為。
使它成為一個迴圈的返回元素是思想從一個人傳到另一個人,雙方都知道它已經被接收和理解。如果一個人傳達了一個想法,但隨後不知道另一個人是否得到了它,那將不是一個迴圈。通常情況下,對話中有幾個這樣的迴圈。我可能會想到告訴你,你花園裡的花是多麼美麗。我對你這麼說,你就會得到一個想法
,就像一個不是瞬間的想法一樣。狀態或其他跡象發生變化,我們都知道你已經得到了它;也許你只是對我點點頭和微笑。這是一個週期。然後你可能會想到告訴我,你用種子種植了那些花。你把這個想法傳達給我,我明白了,我們都明白我明白了,這是另一個溝通週期。所以它可能會繼續下去。
這是雙方運作良好的局面的一個例子。它可能感覺非常令人滿意,但這不是進步。它更像是接觸聊天,但儘管保持了聯繫的能力,但實際上並沒有增長。要做到這一點,需要一些額外的東西,這就是清除溝通週期的用武之地,並賦予心靈清除它的特殊點和特徵。
清除溝通週期 溝通不是頭腦清理的副作用,即使我們可能需要在學習時將其分解並轉化為一種技術。溝通本身就是説明。知因為什麼我們這樣做很重要,人們在開始處理更深層次的模式之前需要這種自我意識和理解,但能夠向另一個活生生的人傳達我們真正想說的話,而不是表現出來,是解鎖該行動的關鍵。然後,任何故事的原因、人物和時間就變得不那麼重要了。我們可以正確看待這些變數,並專注於實際的個人。
意識到什麼是溝通以及如何提高我們的溝通能力是成功幫助心靈的基礎。沒有這種意識,做一個好的溝通者是不夠的。一個更清晰的人必須知道他們在做什麼並追求這一點。如果他們能讓客戶達到能夠全心全意地溝通而不會隱瞞的程度,那麼工作就完成了。客戶將能夠將這種增強的能力帶入他們的生活。這裡探討的技術是幫助實現這一目標並保持通信週期正常的工具。它們不是作品本身。這些工具可能會根據人員、文化、
其他地方的經驗或任何其他因素而變化。説明是人與人之間溝通和積極理解的魔力。
頭腦清除將“正常”溝通分解為步驟以重建它,但這不是重點。心靈清掃是關於溝通到不再有思想被創造的點,然後到思想實際上開始消失的地方。
清除溝通週期不同於基本的溝通週期,因為它是為了消解心靈而進行的。這是一個帶有附加成分的溝通週期,即 Clearer 必須從客戶那裡尋找合規性才能完成溝通週期。這是一種行動,因此它將學習嵌入到身體層面並提高溝通技巧。
這種發現和闡明合規性的行為使客戶能夠明確或有意識地參與溝通週期。這就是為什麼説明是關係性的。合規必須是回應他人的指示而採取的行動。動作是雙重的:客戶必須理解並接收另一個人的指令,並用它做點什麼。因此,這種關係在當下得以建立和鞏固,加強了對良好溝通的學習。此外,隨著這個人獲得清楚他們的想法和意思的能力,並清楚直接地與另一個人溝通,那麼扭曲的溝通就會越來越少,頭腦就會被停用。
清算溝通週期是為特定目的而人為建立的,但卻是真正的溝通——通常比客戶以前經歷過的任何事情都更真實。
我當時正和凱特琳一起解決她的工作狀況問題。起初,她表現得非常批評她的一些同事,並對她覺得自己沒有做她想做的生活感到沮喪。一開始,很難與她建立清晰的溝通和完整的溝通週期。有一次,我問她的工作,以確定一些事實。她的部分困難在於闡明她實際上遇到的問題是什麼。一個典型的機構在第一次會議中實現這一目標的困難如下: 更清楚:
所以告訴我你每天在工作中做的事情。
凱特琳: 嗯,並不是說它在很多方面有什麼問題;工作就是工作。但是凱倫...那是我的直線經理...
更清楚:我要在那裡阻止你。看看你和凱倫的關係顯然很重要。但是現在,告訴我你每天在工作中做的事情,這樣我就可以理解你的工作日。
凱特琳:好的,是的,我知道,我一直在改變話題,不是嗎?我做了很多事情,但沒有一件是我真正關心的。這就是問題所在;這不是我想用我的生活做的事情。
更清楚:所以,凱特琳,給我舉一個例子,說明你每天在工作中做的事情,你很清楚這是你工作的一部分。
凱特琳:嗯,我不知道我的工作是什麼;在那裡工作很瘋狂。他們從不停下來吃午飯;我整天坐在電腦前,因為其他人都是這樣做的。我只是不知道該怎麼辦。 更清楚:給我舉一個例子,說明你每天在工作中實際做的事情,你很清楚這是你工作的一部分。
凱特琳:是的,對,好的,是的,我想我做了備案,這似乎是我幾個早上做的事情。
更清楚:這是你理解為工作的一部分嗎?
凱特琳:是的,申請是我工作的一部分。更清楚:好的,謝謝。
我們最終到達了那裡,但最初很難保持溝通週期的正常進行。我解釋了我為什麼要這樣做以及它是如何説明的,這對她很有用。漸漸地,事情變得更容易了,凱特琳開始
更直接地參與,週期也越來越容易完成。隨著這種情況的發生,凱特琳變得更加感興趣,也更清楚問題到底是什麼。她還報告說,她注意到工作中溝通週期不完全的頻率,並開始試圖在自己的關係中盡可能地糾正這一點。在工作環境中,有些事情她能夠更清楚地瞭解,但她也重新關注她最初為什麼接受這份工作,這是朝著更符合她希望最終的地方邁出的一步。隨著她越來越清楚這一點,她將精力重新投入到追求這個目標上。這個對她來說似乎如此棘手,甚至難以命名的問題,變成了她興奮的專案,她最終看到了成功。
內容很重要,但清除溝通週期對於建立可以探索內容的框架至關重要。沒有成功的迴圈,溝通就有在頭腦中迷失的危險,這個人將不會在當下和與清明者的實際關係中學習。
清除溝通周期必須在有意識的行動中具體化,以恢復接收、理解和溝通能力低下的情況。即使是簡單的交易,如果這個人深深地迷失在思想的層次中,那麼即使是簡單的交易的好處也是巨大的。E體驗一個完整的溝通週期將開始減少頭腦混亂和數量的工作,並帶來思想的日益清晰和更少的頭腦喋喋不休。當他們開始與人合作時,可能會讓 Clearers 感到驚訝,許多人在溝通方面實際上處於糟糕的狀態。
溝通被扣留的東西會減少思想並增加理解,並且個人因所需的工作而得到加強。隨之而來的直接溝通能力的提高意味著他們不太需要頭腦,所以它開始自然地溶解,這是正在發生的事情的結果。在建立新的存在方式時,我們使思想過時。因此,使清除溝通週期與良好的對話不同,在良好的對話中
那麼,是什麼讓清晰的溝通週期與良好的對話不同 ,在
有人可能會感覺更好但不會進步,這是行為 的合規性明確理解 。
So what makes the clearing communication cycle different from a good conversation, in
which someone might feel better but will not progress, is the act of compliance making explicit the understanding.
Breaking communication down
In ordinary communication we might engage in pleasant conversation where there is some understanding and the parties will probably feel better because of the nice contact, but no improvement in the ability to communicate will take place so nothing will change with respect to problematic ideas and behaviours. Most conversation is in fact fairly hit and miss, littered with non-understandings and half communications. To add to this is the fear, born of repeated experiences of failure, that we will not be heard and understood. So we often have little faith that things could be any different. Something can go wrong at any stage from a thought arising to getting it across successfully. That means the mind often will be added to as attitudes are reinforced with new experiences that act as ‘evidence’ for us, reinforcing our ideas about how messed up things can be.
However, we can go through the learning process again, clearing up non-understandings, tying up loose ends and changing bad habits. Mind Clearing does this by slowing down the process of communication and rebuilding it step by step to establish the skill on a more solid foundation.
Basic communication cycles
A cycle is something that goes round. It need not get back to the place it started, but it has a return element. In a basic communication cycle, one person has a thought they wish to communicate and then communicates it to another person who gets it and both parties know this has happened. Each time this occurs, it counts as one communication cycle; it is the action of transferring a thought and knowing it has been received.
The return element that makes it a cycle is that the thought goes from one person to the other and both know it has been received and understood. It would not be a cycle if a person communicates a thought but then does not know if the other person has got it. More often than not, there are several of these cycles within a conversation. I might have the thought to communicate to you how beautiful the flowers in your garden are. I say that to you and you get the thought
as fully as a thought can be got that is not instantaneous. And there is a change in state or some other sign such that we both know you have got it; maybe you just nod and smile at me. This is one cycle. You might then have the thought to communicate to me that you grew those flowers from seed. You get that thought across to me, I get it, we both understand that I got it, and that is another communication cycle. And so it may go on.
This is an example of a well-functioning situation for both parties. It might well feel very satisfactory but it is not progress. It is more like contactful chat, but although the capacity for relating is being maintained, it is not actually growing. For that to happen something extra is needed, and this is where the clearing communication cycle comes in and gives Mind Clearing its particular point and character.
The clearing communication cycle Communication is not a side effect of Mind Clearing, even though we may need to break it down and turn it into a technique while we are learning. Communication is the help itself. Knowing why we behave as we do is important, and people need this self-awareness and understanding before they can begin tackling deeper patterns, but being able to communicate to another live person what we really want to say, rather than acting out, is the key to unlocking that action. Then the why, the who and the when of any story becomes less important. We can put these variables into perspective and focus on the actual individuals.
Becoming conscious of what communication is and how to improve our ability to communicate is what successful help with the mind is founded upon. Being a good communicator without this consciousness is not enough. A Clearer must know what they are doing and pursue that. If they can get clients to a point where they are able to communicate wholeheartedly without withholding, then the work is done. Clients will be able to take that increased ability into their lives. The techniques explored here are tools to help achieve this and keep the communication cycles on track. They are not the work itself. The tools may change according to the personnel, the culture,
experience elsewhere or any other factor. The help is the magic of person-to-person communication and active understanding.
Mind Clearing breaks ‘normal’ communication into steps in order to rebuild it, but that is not the essential point. Mind Clearing is about communicating to the point where no more mind is being created and then to where mind actually starts to fall away.
The clearing communication cycle is different from the basic communication cycle because it is performed for the purpose of dissolving the mind. This is a communication cycle with an added ingredient, which is that the Clearer must look for a compliance from the client in order to complete the communication cycle. It is an action, so it embeds the learning at a body level and improves communication skills.
This act of finding and articulating a compliance enables the client to engage in a communication cycle explicitly or mindfully. This is why help is relational. The compliance must be an act done in response to an instruction from another person. The action is double: the client has to understand and receive an instruction from another person and do something with it. So the relationship is enacted and solidified in present time, reinforcing learning of good communication. Also, as the person gains in the ability to be clear about what they think and mean, and communicate that clearly and directly to another person, then distorted communications are required less and less and the mind is deactivated.
The clearing communication cycle is artificially established for specific purposes but is real communication – more real, very often, than anything the client will have experienced before.
I was working with Caitlin on issues with her work situation. She presented at first as very critical of some of her colleagues and frustrated that she did not feel she was doing what she wanted in life. It was difficult, to begin with, to establish clear communication with her and complete communication cycles. At one point I asked her about her work to establish some facts about it. Part of her difficulty was in articulating what the problems she was experiencing actually were. A typical instance of the difficulty in achieving this in the first session was the following:
Clearer: So tell me something you do in your job on a daily basis.
Caitlin: Well, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with it in many ways; a job’s a job. But Karen…that’s my line manager…
Clearer: I’m going to stop you there. It’s clearly going to be important to look at your relationship with Karen. But now, tell me something you do in your job on a daily basis so I can understand your working day.
Caitlin: OK, yeah, I know, I keep changing the subject, don’t I? I do lots of stuff but nothing I really care about. That’s the problem; it’s not something I want to be doing with my life.
Clearer: So, Caitlin, give me one example of something you do in your job on a daily basis that you are clear is part of your job.
Caitlin: Well, I don’t know what my job is; it’s crazy working there. And they never stop for lunch; I’m just sitting at my computer all day because that’s what everyone else does. I just don’t know what to do.
Clearer: Give me one example of something you actually do in your job on a daily basis that you are clear is part of your job.
Caitlin: Yeah, right, OK, yes, well I guess I do the filing, which seems to be what I do a couple of mornings anyway.
Clearer: Is that something you understand as being part of your job?
Caitlin: Yes, filing is part of my job. Clearer: OK, thank you.
We got there in the end but it was hard going initially to keep the communication cycles on track. I explained why I was doing this and how it helped, which was useful for her. Gradually it got easier and Caitlin started
to engage more directly and cycles were increasingly straightforward to complete. As this happened, Caitlin became more interested and also more clear about what the problem actually was. She also reported noticing how often communication cycles at work were incomplete and started trying to rectify this where she could in her own relationships. There were some things she was able to get much clearer on in the work environment, but also she refocused on why she had taken the job in the first place, which was as a step towards something more in line with where she hoped to end up. As she became clearer about this, she redirected her energy into pursuing that goal. The problem that had seemed so intractable to her, and so difficult even to name, became a project she was excited about and in which she eventually saw success.
The content is important but the clearing communication cycle is essential to establish as the framework in which content can be explored. Without successful cycles, the communication is in danger of being lost in the mind and the person will not be learning in the present moment and in the actual relationship with the Clearer.
The clearing communication cycle must be made concrete in deliberate actions in order to rehabilitate low ability to receive, understand and communicate. The benefits of even simple transactions will be enormous if the person is deeply lost in the layers of the mind. Experiencing a complete communication cycle will begin the work of reducing the confusion and quantity of mind and bring increasing clarity of thought and less mind chatter. It may surprise Clearers when they start working with people what a poor state many are actually in when it comes to communication.
Communicating what has been withheld reduces the mind and increases understanding, and the individual is strengthened by the work required of them. The consequent gain in ability to communicate directly means they do not need the mind so much, so it starts to dissolve naturally as a result of what is going on. In establishing new ways of being we render the mind obsolete. So what makes the clearing communication cycle different from a good conversation, in
which someone might feel better but will not progress, is the act of compliance making explicit the understanding.
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