態度清除
的先決條件 為了成功地進行態度清理，一個人必須：
◉ 能夠參與並完成溝通週期
◉ 擺脫眼前的問題和干擾
◉ 能夠向內看並清晰公開地
溝通結果◉ 能夠產生有意識的思想。
最後一點，能夠產生有意識的想法，意味著客戶必須能夠通過有意識的選擇來產生想法。這與自動或基於故事的思維和心靈連接不同。例如，如果一個人被指示看著窗外的松樹並說，「松樹是粉紅色的」，他們可以這樣做，那麼他們可以從自己身上產生一個想法。如果他們不遵守指示，因為他們堅持認為松樹實際上是綠色的，而不是粉紅色的，那麼他們就無法超越他們思想的自動性。Clearer通常已經從已經完成的工作中很好地知道他們的客戶是否可以做到這一點。
頭腦會自動為人們所看到的內容賦予意義並對其進行分類。如果客戶端自動將「綠色」的含義附加到松樹的視線上，那麼在這種情況下，他們可能無法將實際的樹與“綠色”的含義分開。他們必須能夠選擇將某種意義附加到生活中的某件事上，而不是自動將事物與他們認為的含義聯繫起來。這是欣賞事物本身和我們賦予事物的意義之間的差異的能力。選擇相信某事的能力，而不是受制於對世界的自動想法，是我們正在尋找的，以便直接與態度一起工作。
一個人可能需要一些時間才能並且願意這樣做。但能夠這樣做很重要，因為這是個人足夠強大以應對思想的點。個人擁有的自由越多，創造力和空間就越大。心越強，一個人就越固執和壓抑。
對於一個更清晰的人來說，與頭腦打交道是沒有意義的;這就像試圖和一隻小狗講道理一樣。
個人必須 1） 能夠溝通;2）能夠思考自己的想法;3）必須（原文如此）擺脫他生活中的問題;4）拆解思想;5）把心存在的原始原因，消解到它不復存在的地步。
7 Clearer和客戶之間必須有一個良好的、信任的關係，才能使這一切發揮作用。大多數治療師和清除者都知道這一點，但他們可能不瞭解為什麼會這樣。原因是我們都在這裡與他人交往。然而，正是由於這個原因，我們讓自己處於無知和無能的狀態。在內心深處，這是因為我們不想傷害別人。如果我們從頭腦的錯誤解決方案中解脫出來，並作為能夠選擇思考和行動的個人來掌握我們的力量，我們害怕我們會傷害他人。出於這個原因，我們讓自己受到限制，渺小而愚蠢。<B129>
正如所有宗教所教導的那樣，對此的補救措施是有意識地採取道德準則8來檢查我們的行為。這可以防止我們在成為自己並將自己從思想的束縛中解脫出來的過程中對他人造成嚴重的傷害。（有關這方面的更多內容，請參閱第8章中關於內疚和業力的討論;另請參閱第5章有關道德義務的討論。
伯納清除態度的計劃有四個步驟或技巧，如下所列，並在以下各節中詳細介紹： 第一步：找到態度，然後找到與態度
相反的態度 第二步：思考對立
面 第 3 步：識別消息，或者媒介就是消息 第 4 步：
傳遞消息
第 1 步：找到態度，然後找到態度的對立面 找到態度 所處理的態度可能是該人用作相關問題的錯誤解決方案的許多態度
中的任何一種。它必須是這個人感興趣的領域，否則他們會判斷他們沒有取得進展。Clearer感興趣的工作不是重點，儘管它們可以成為哪些領域可能富有成效的有用指南。
更清晰的人可能需要解釋和鼓勵這個人探索他們所依附的想法和行為，以及需要在日常生活中採取行動的想法和行為，這些想法和行為阻礙了他們。這可能是“我不夠好”，“別人不值得信任”，“我比別人好”，“生活很糟糕”等等。
人們識別的態度在開始時往往更複雜，因為這個人一開始不太清楚。他們可能會想出諸如“其他人永遠無法信任”，“我只是想提供説明”或“我盡力而為，但這還不夠好”之類的話。無論如何，它都會起作用，並且隨著人們變得更加清晰並知道要尋找什麼，他們往往會變得更加簡潔。例如，他們可能會從「生活很糟糕」或「沒有什麼適合我」到「壞」等態度的簡單性。
幫助客戶識別態度的另一種方法是詢問對方他們在生活中戲劇化了什麼。例如，一個人可能會戲劇化他們無法應對，或者生活很艱難，或者其他人很愚蠢，或者他們總是筋疲力盡。他們相信這些陳述是正確的;畢竟，他們已經積累了很多證據來支持他們。他們可能會說，『這不是一種態度，這就是事實。
這並不是否認壞（或好）的事情發生在人們身上。也就是說，即使約翰可能發生了一些壞事，但只有當他陷入“壞事總是發生在我身上”或“一切都很糟糕”或“沒有人愛我”的態度時，這對他來說是一個持續存在的問題和一個卡住的領域。他將開始採取行動並尋找支持證據，而不僅僅是
偶爾有不好的經歷。他不會用這些事件來定義自己。
我有一些參加會議的人，他們在很多方面看起來都非常有能力，我想知道是否要和他們一起做態度工作。但我已經知道它是往往太早了。一個典型的例子是一位婦女，她對自己的案件有很多了解，並且非常願意並且相當有能力溝通。我們做了幾次會議，我們倆都很明顯，她的態度非常明顯，比別人好。我們做了一些工作來研究它在她生活中是如何運作的，以及它是如何運作她的，但很快就清楚了，雖然她對這是一種態度有所瞭解，但這實際上是一種理論理解。實際上，她在身體和行為層面上太認同它了，以至於在這一點上無法研究它。她自己很清楚，這實際上是真的：“好吧，我比別人好，”她告訴我，“不是絕對的每個人，但幾乎是每個人。
我們圍繞這個問題做了更多的工作，她向她的父母傳達了很多材料。當她看到周圍時，態度開始放鬆一些，並體驗到對他人的更多欣賞。
一種態度的線索是，一個人說事情總是這樣，例如，“我總是不走運”，“人們總是在我背上”，“我總是把它搞砸”，“她從不聽我的話。事實是，有時一個人不走運，或者人們給我們帶來了困難，或者我們做了一些愚蠢的事情，但並非總是如此。“總是”是這個人在生活中戲劇化的線索。從那裡可以幫助他們了解他們傾向於陷入什麼態度。他們可能不會一直保持這種態度，但它出現並阻礙了他們繼續生活。他們一直處於的態度將更難識別;它們最初對我們來說就像我們呼吸的空氣一樣不可見。
“總是一樣，”他說，“我永遠不能在一份工作中呆太久。他們總是厭倦我，讓我很難過。我不明白，我，但我現在放棄了。我做我自己的事。這是在與馬特的會議開始時。他不是我通常的客戶，但一個好朋友推薦了
會議，他決定嘗試一下，儘管這是一個非常陌生的領域。馬特帶著各種持續存在的問題來到這裡，我們逐漸擺脫了這些問題，並且根深蒂固地認為其他人不可信，並且還有我們認為的“去你媽的”態度，這給他帶來了無窮無盡的麻煩。他花了做很多工作才能通過這部分思想。我一度想知道他是否會成功，但馬特在課程中發現了巨大的價值，儘管他有時會休息 6 個月，或者一度休息一年，但他發現自己的生活逐漸顯著改善。當我們終於明白其核心資訊時，他“去你媽的”態度背後的悲傷和心痛是巨大的。這改變了他的生活來表達它。
態度是生活中的存在方式;它們是我們認為的我們的人格特質。有時人們會直截了當地說：“我是那種會直言不諱的人”或“我是個好人”。這些陳述可能有道理，但它們是他們在生活中和對生活戲劇化的態度。如果他們能足夠容易地擺脫這種態度，那麼這不是一種固定的態度，或者不是一種深刻的態度，但如果他們說，“嗯，這不是一種態度，這是事實，我是一個好人”，那麼我們可以肯定這是一種固定的態度。
有態度本身不是問題。我們可以隨意提出一種觀點，這可能是有用的。我們有時需要一種觀點來完成事情：完成一個拼圖，帶著一大件行李穿越巴黎。當他們被卡住時，問題就來了。當確定該人有興趣工作的固定態度時，就可以採取該計劃的下一步。
為了
思考對立面，9 一個人需要找到一個與他們想要工作的態度相反的工作。從人的角度來看，態度總是消極的。如果一個人陷入其中，即使是“生活是美好的”態度也是消極的。他們知道在某種程度上這不是真的，但正在使用「生活是美好的」作為對他人的神經質操縱。這是一種溝通其他東西的嘗試，它本身並不真實，因為它是關於生命的一個想法。而且，維護起來很累。因此，從那個人的角度來看，找到相反的東西總是找到積極的一面，即使從技術上講，
它看起來像是對生活的消極看法。
我總是需要在生活中娛樂人們，我知道這不是真的快樂。有時是這樣，但實際上很多時候這確實是一種壓力，但我必須這樣做。我必須成為這個“有趣”的人，否則人們會被我厭煩，因為真的我覺得我非常無聊。所以我決定以這種態度工作，“我必須快樂，否則別人不會愛我。我花了很長時間才想出一個相反的想法，因為我只是無法理解我真的更積極的想法。最後，我得到了一個相反的答案，“無論我做什麼，每個人都快樂而充分地愛我。 這有點囉嗦，但似乎奏效了，至少是第一次。很難想像相反的情況。
找到相反的東西並不是為了可以執行一些肯定來使客戶擺脫消極狀態並進入積極狀態。這不是這裡正在發生的事情。除了實際態度之外，有幾個原因可以找到相反的工作。這部分是為了幫助他們練習通過他們的意識意志進入和退出一種態度。此外，最好在固定態度的同時處理與態度相反的工作。這樣，整個態度就被處理了，就像整個冰山一樣，我們能看到的一點和我們看不到的一點。
最後，使用相反的方法可以防止人們通過故意一遍又一遍地關注一種態度來關注它。這可能會導致過載。最好在技術上有更多的自由和運動，這樣這個人就不會陷入圍繞一種態度堆積的所有聯想或記憶的泥潭。伯納將第2步總結為，“讓他有目的地和故意地將自己置於不受歡迎的狀態，並且處於相反的狀態”。10
對立
面必須是與態度產生共鳴的對立面。它必須感覺相反。這就是概念上的對立面和態度上的對立面之間的區別。從技術上講，“其他人是壞的”的反面可能是“其他人是好的”或“其他人是不錯『。這可能會奏效，但如果這個人很容易陷入困境並且並沒有真正發現這是一個挑戰，那麼找到一個更極端
的對立面可能會更好，一個這個人覺得自己在進入時感到捉襟見肘的對立面;它可能是這樣的，“其他人很棒，美麗和值得信賴，我愛他們所有人”。他們必須鍛煉他們進入和擺脫態度的能力，而不是讓它太容易。對立者必須有相反的生活態度。例如，找到與“可憐的我”態度相反的態度可能會想出諸如“幸運的我”或“我是世界上最幸運的人”之類的事情。那可能奏效。但“可憐的我”是一種受害者狀態，所以與之相反的強大也可能是“我是受害者”或“我是欺淩者”。如果這個人被困在將自己視為被壓迫者，那麼他們肯定會以這種態度操縱他人，但可能沒有意識到這樣做。將自己視為他人的積極壓迫者可能是一個強大的相反，擴展了他們以這種態度設想自己的能力，並加強了選擇採取一種態度然後採取另一種態度的能力。
你選擇工作的態度本身不是中性的，它是整個能量扭曲的意義部分。最好找到一個與失真產生共鳴的對立面，這個過程會更有力量。
Pre-requisites for attitude clearing
In order to engage successfully with attitude clearing a person must:
◉ be able to engage in and complete communication cycles
◉ be free from immediate problems and distractions
◉ be able to look inside and communicate clearly and openly what comes up as a result
◉ be capable of originating a conscious thought.
This last point, being capable of originating a conscious thought, means the client must be able to have a thought by conscious choice. This is different from the automatic or story-based thinking and connections of the mind. For example, if a person is instructed to look at the pine tree outside the window and say, ‘The pine tree is pink,’ and they can do so, then they can originate a thought from themselves. If they do not comply with the instruction because they insist the pine tree is actually green, not pink, then they cannot get past the automaticity of their mind. The Clearer would usually already have a good idea of whether their client could do this from the work already done.
The mind automatically attaches meaning to what people are seeing and categorises it. If a client automatically attaches the meaning ‘green’ to the sight of the pine tree, then they may not be able to separate out the actual tree from the meaning ‘green’ in this instance. They must be able to choose to attach one meaning or another to something in life rather than automatically connect the thing with what they think it means. This is the capacity to appreciate the difference between the thing itself and the meaning we attach to things. The ability to choose to believe something, rather than be at the mercy of automatic ideas about the world, is what we are looking for in order to work with attitudes directly.
It might take some time for a person to be able and willing to do this. But it is important to be able to do so because this is the point where the individual is strong enough to deal with the mind. The more freedom the individual has, the more creativity and space there is. The more mind there is, the more fixed and repressed a person becomes.
For a Clearer, there is no point in dealing with the mind; that would be like trying to reason with a puppy.
The individual must 1) be able to communicate; 2) be able to think a thought of his own; 3) must (sic.) be free from problems in his life; 4) dismantle the mind; and 5) take the original reason for the mind’s existence and dissolve it to the point where it ceases to exist.7
There has to be a good, trusting relationship between Clearer and client for all of this to work. Most therapists and Clearers know this, but they may not appreciate the details of why this is. The reason is that we are all here to relate to others. For this very reason, however, we keep ourselves in a state of ignorance and inability. Deep down, this is because we do not want to hurt others. If we free ourselves from the false solutions of the mind, and come into our power as individuals able to choose what to think and do, we are afraid we will hurt others. For this reason, we keep ourselves constrained and small and stupid.
The remedy for this, as all religions teach, is to consciously take up a moral code8 to check our behaviour. This prevents us from doing serious harm to others while we are in the process of becoming ourselves and releasing ourselves from the constraints of the mind. (For more on this, see the discussion on guilt and karma in Chapter 8; also see Chapter 5 for a discussion on the moral imperative.)
There are four steps or techniques to Berner’s programme for clearing attitudes, as listed below and detailed in the sections that follow:
Step 1: finding the attitude and then finding an opposite to the attitude
Step 2: pondering the opposites
Step 3: identifying the message, or the medium is the message Step 4: delivering the message
Step 1: finding the attitude and then finding an opposite to the attitude FINDING THE ATTITUDE
The attitude worked on could be any of a number of attitudes the person is using as a false solution to a problem in relating. It must be an area the person is interested in, or they will judge that they are not making progress. What the Clearer is interested in working on is not the point, though they can be a useful guide on what areas might be fruitful.
The Clearer may need to explain and encourage the person to explore what sort of ideas and behaviours they are attached to, and need to act on in their daily life, that are holding them up. This might be something like, ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘Others can’t be trusted,’ ‘I’m better than others,’ ‘Life is bad’ and so forth.
The attitudes people identify are often more complex at the beginning, as the person starts out less clear. They might come up with something like ‘Other people can never be trusted,’ ‘I’m only trying to help’ or ‘I do my best but it’s not good enough.’ It will work anyway and, as the person gets more clarity and knows what to look for, they tend to get more succinct. They may work through, for example, ‘Life is bad’ or ‘Nothing works out for me’ to the simplicity of an attitude such as ‘bad’.
Another way of helping the client identify attitudes is to ask the person what they are dramatising in life. For example, a person might be dramatising that they cannot cope, or that life is hard, or that others are stupid or that they are always exhausted. They believe these statements to be true; after all, they have accumulated a lot of evidence to back them up. They might say, ‘That’s not an attitude, that’s how it really is.’
This is not to deny that bad (or good) things happen to people. It is to say that, even though some bad things may have happened to John, for instance, it is only when he gets stuck in the attitude ‘bad things always happen to me’, or ‘everything’s bad’ or ‘no one loves me’ that this becomes an ongoing problem for him and an area of stuckness. He will start acting this out and finding supporting evidence rather
than just have occasional bad experiences. He will not define himself by these events.
I’ve had people for sessions who seem very able in many ways and I’ve wondered whether to do attitude work with them. But I’ve learned it’s often too early. A typical example of this was a woman who had a lot of understanding about her case and was very willing and fairly able in communicating. We did a few sessions and it became apparent to both of us that she had a very obvious attitude going of being better than others. We did a bit of work in looking at how it worked in her life and how it was running her but it quickly became clear that, although she had some appreciation that it was an attitude, this was really a theoretical understanding. She was actually too identified with it at the level of body and behaviour to work on it at that point. She was quite clear in herself that it was actually true: ‘Well I am better than others,’ she told me, ‘Not absolutely everyone, but nearly everyone.’
We did some more work around this and she communicated a lot of material to her parents. The attitude began to loosen up a bit as she saw around it and experienced greater appreciation of others.
A clue to something being an attitude is a person saying that something is always like this, for example, ‘I’m always unlucky,’ ‘People are always on my back,’ ‘I always mess it up,’ ‘She never listens to me.’ The fact is that sometimes one is unlucky, or people give us a hard time or we do something daft, but not always. ‘Always’ is a clue to what the person is dramatising in life. From there they can be helped to see what attitude they are tending to get stuck in. They might not be in that attitude all the time, but it comes up and gets in the way of their getting on with their lives. The attitudes they are in all the time will be more difficult to identify; they are as invisible to us initially as the air we breathe.
‘It’s always the same,’ he said, ‘I can never stay in a job long. They always get fed up of me and give me a hard time. I don’t get it, me, but I’ve given up now. I do my own thing.’ This was at the start of sessions with Matt. He wasn’t my usual sort of client, but a good friend had
recommended sessions and he decided to try it, even though it was very unfamiliar territory. Matt arrived with all sorts of ongoing problems that we gradually unpicked and was deeply entrenched in a belief that others couldn’t be trusted and also had what we identified as a ‘fuck you’ attitude that gave him no end of trouble. It took a lot of work to get through this part of his mind. I had wondered at one point about whether he’d make it, but Matt found huge value in the sessions and, although he’d sometimes have a 6-month break, or a year at one point, he found his life gradually and significantly improving. The sadness and heartache behind his ‘fuck you’ attitude was huge when we finally got to the message at its core. It changed his life to express it.
Attitudes are ways of being in life; they are what we think of as our personality traits. Sometimes people say them right out: ‘I’m the kind of person who tells it like it is’ or ‘I’m a good guy.’ There might be truth in these statements, but they are attitudes they are dramatising in life and about life. If they can get out of such an attitude easily enough, then it is not a fixed attitude, or not a deep one, but if they say, ‘Well it’s not an attitude, it’s the truth, I am a good guy,’ then we can be sure it is a fixed attitude.
Having an attitude is not a problem in itself. We can take on a point of view at will and it can be useful. We need a point of view sometimes to get things done: to complete a puzzle, to get across Paris with a large piece of luggage. The problem comes when they get stuck. When a fixed attitude that the person has an interest in working on is identified, then the next step in the programme can be taken.
FINDING AN OPPOSITE TO THE ATTITUDE
In order to ponder the opposites,9 a person needs to find a working opposite to the attitude on which they want to work. Attitudes are always negative from the person’s point of view. Even a ‘life is wonderful’ attitude is negative if a person is stuck in it. They know at some level it is not true but are using ‘life is wonderful’ as a neurotic manipulation of others. It is an attempt to communicate something else and it is not true in itself because it is an idea about life. Moreover, it is exhausting to maintain. So finding the opposite is always finding the positive, from
that person’s point of view, even if it looks technically like a negative view on life.
I always need to entertain people in life and I know it’s not really jolly. It is sometimes, but actually it’s a real strain much of the time, but I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to be this ‘fun’ person because otherwise people will be bored by me, because really I think I’m terribly boring. So I decided to work on this attitude of, ‘I’ve got to be happy or others won’t love me.’ It took me ages to come up with an opposite because I just couldn’t get the idea of me really being anything more positive. Finally I got an opposite of, ‘Everyone loves me happily and fully, whatever I do.’ It was a bit long-winded but seemed to do the trick, at least the first time round. It was very difficult to imagine that opposite.
Finding an opposite is not done in order that a few affirmations can be performed to get the client out of a negative state and into a positive one. That is not what is going on here. There are a few reasons for finding an opposite to work on alongside the actual attitude. It is partly to help them practise getting into and out of an attitude by their conscious volition. Also, it is a good idea to work on the opposite of an attitude at the same time as the side in which they are fixed. That way, the whole of the attitude is being dealt with, like the whole of an iceberg, the bit we can see and the bit we cannot see.
Finally, using the opposite prevents the person from fixating on one attitude by deliberately focusing on it over and over. This could result in overload. It is better to have more freedom and movement in the technique so that the person does not get bogged down with all the associations or memories stacked up around one attitude. Berner summarises step 2 as, ‘having him purposefully and knowingly get the idea of himself in the undesirable state, and in its opposite’.10
The opposite needs to be an opposite that resonates with the attitude. It has to feel like an opposite. This is the difference between the conceptual opposite and the attitudinal opposite. The opposite of ‘others are bad’ might technically be ‘others are good’ or ‘others are not bad’. That might work, but if the person easily gets into that and does not really find it a challenge, it could work better to find a more extreme
opposite, one that the person feels stretched in getting into; it might be something like, ‘others are wonderful, beautiful and trustworthy and I love them all’. They must be exercising their ability to get into and out of attitudes and not for it to be too easy. The opposite must have the sense of being an opposite life attitude. For instance, finding the opposite to a ‘poor me’ attitude might come up with things such as ‘lucky me’ or ‘I’m the luckiest person in the world’. That could work. But ‘poor me’ is a victim state, so a powerful opposite to it could also be something like ‘I’m a victimiser’ or ‘I’m a bully’. If the person is stuck in seeing themselves as the oppressed, then they will certainly be manipulating others with this attitude but probably unaware of doing so. To see themselves as the active oppressor of others could be a powerful opposite, stretching their capacity to conceive of themselves in that attitude and strengthening the ability to choose to adopt one attitude and then another.
The attitude itself that you choose to work on is not neutral, it is the meaning part of a whole energetic distortion in which the person is. It is best to find an opposite that resonates with the distortion, and the process will be more powerful.
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