第 2 步:思考對立
面 一旦選擇了相反的方法,就會指示該人通過指示來獲得處於所選態度的想法:“瞭解您處於(”我很壞“、”我不夠好“等)態度的想法”。首先,這個人被告知執行一個特定的動作,所以這會啟動清理溝通週期並讓他們做一些事情。只要向他們解釋了這個動作並且他們理解,那麼這個人就毫無疑問地知道他們應該做什麼。
“明白想法”
在這個指令中,他們也明確被告知“得到這個想法”。“得到”某樣東西可以讓自由以他們喜歡的任何方式去做。他們被告知要做的是獲得特定態度的想法。
他們不必為了做到這一點而進入態度或狀態本身。例如,如果他們正在研究“一切都不好”,他們
不必得到那種與一切都不好的想法相伴而生的整體感覺。它可能伴隨著一種消極的、沮喪的存在狀態。他們可能會進入那種狀態,因為他們太熟悉了,這是獲得這種態度的最簡單方法。但實際上並沒有要求他們這樣做。他們被要求了解他們處於這種態度中的想法。通過練習,他們最終將能夠獲得態度的想法,而不必進入狀態。
狀態
如果這個人為了得到這個想法而進入相關的狀態,他們實際上是在關注所有與他們進入的態度相關的情緒和身體反應。這沒關係,但接下來的工作會困難得多,因為所有的情緒和身體狀態都將與態度同時處理。我們實際上不必為了從思想中獲得自由而這樣做。固定的態度可以與體驗脫節。必須確定態度與狀態之間的確切聯繫點才能做到這一點。如果整個州與態度一起被清除,則需要更長的時間才能取得進展。這不是這項工作的重點。還有其他更有效的清除情緒和身體的技術。
但是,為了使該技術起作用,最終並不重要。他們可以進入或不進入狀態,但如果他們可以簡單地進入態度的想法,這是最好和更經濟的。這需要解釋。最終,他們將能夠接受這種態度,僅僅作為一種想法,一種有意識的意志行為。你希望他們能夠做到這一點,所以這就是你要求他們做的。 要避免的一件事是使用“感覺”這個詞。
當人們試圖獲得一種感覺時,它通常會拖累身體和情感。我們正在處理頭腦,將身體帶入其中使事情複雜化。無論如何,他們可能會將身體和情感帶入狀態,這很好,但這不是對他們的這種技術的要求。
我們打算做的是處理我們對事件的重要性。這個人需要 to 了解態度的重要性部分;
態度主要是它的意義。這似乎是一種智力上的好東西,但這不僅僅是一個智力上的舉動。他們必須執行實際的、內部的行動,才能獲得遵守指示的態度。即使他們原則上理解這一點,執行操作也是另一回事。即使是最有能力的智力,如果他們與這種態度密切相關,也可能很難獲得這種態度的想法。這是因為識別是事實。事實與想法不同,但獲得一種態度的想法是一種行為,它在功能上挑戰了態度是事實的想法的固定性,因為一個人必須選擇進入它。所以他們最終會注意到這不是生活中的必要事實。為了處理想法,我們必須將自己更多地帶入現實。
更清楚:讓你覺得自己處於“我沒用”的態度。
客戶:嗯...好的,是的,知道了。
更清楚:告訴我你是怎麼得到的。
客戶:我記得有一次我覺得自己沒用。那是在我大約15歲的時候,我和其他一些孩子在房子後面打板球,我就是打不出球,所以我放棄了,因為我覺得自己太沒用了。
更清楚:謝謝。讓你知道自己處於“我是世界之王,可以做任何事情”的態度。
客戶:(長時間停頓)好的。 更清楚:你是怎麼得到的?
客戶:這很難。首先,我試圖想像它是真的,但我做不到。我一直覺得自己沒用。然後我想起在我大約10歲的時候贏得了一場比賽。我以前從未贏得過任何東西,這真是太棒了。
更清楚:謝謝。
這種情況持續了一段時間,從態度到相反的態度,然後再回來。每次客戶想到一段感覺無用的記憶,以獲得處於態度中的想法,然後找到一種方法進入相反的方向。然後它改變了: 更清晰:
讓你覺得自己處於“我沒用”的態度。
客戶:(相當停頓)好的,知道了。更清楚:你是怎麼得到的?
客戶:嗯,我無法想出更多的記憶,但我意識到我不需要,因為我只是覺得自己沒用,所以我就有了這種感覺。
更清楚:謝謝。
在這一點上,他放棄了對態度的想法的複雜程度,並利用了處於狀態的感覺,這對他來說非常熟悉。
瞭解你在態度中的想法“ 在指令中使用”你“表明,”他們“
,個人,必須做這項工作。在每個清算溝通週期中,人們必須積极參與完成它。他們必須做工作來接受指示,向內看並傳達所發生的事情。這樣做可以創造良好溝通的新途徑,並消除思想。每次清除通信週期為完成,一點點的心變得多餘。另一個人收到的直接溝通滿足了我們最初感到未滿足的部分。我們扭曲的行為對我們的影響被我們所做的每一次直接和令人滿意的溝通所削弱,這些溝通提高了我們下次這樣做的能力。
當這個人表明他們已經完成了工作並有了保持態度的想法時,他們被要求檢查他們是如何做到這一點的。進入一種態度通常是自動和無意識的。我們突然發現我們已經從或多或少的好變成了一種態度。有人說了什麼或做了什麼,或者我們有一個想法,我們在這個州是正確的,我們不知道我們是如何到達那裡的。態度及其伴隨的狀態是如此熟悉,以至於我們不去想它。當我們被要求描述它是如何發生的時,我們通常不知道。我們也許可以把它縮小到某人說的話。如果我們進入受害者
狀態和「沒有人愛我」的態度,我們可能只能識別引發它的事件。
聖誕賀卡是在工作中分發的,沒有一張給我。我的同事們做了一個看的模樣,但我的已經丟失了;也許它被楔入了盒子里,因為它後來確實出現了。但無論如何,儘管和其他人一起嘲笑我顯然“失寵”,但在內心深處,我陷入了熟悉的“沒有人愛我”的狀態。我知道,理性地,我並沒有真正被錯過,或者,如果我錯過了,那只是一個錯誤,而不是個人的。但就好像我想被錯過一樣,所以我可以照顧這種“沒有人愛我”的事情。當我看著它時,很難看到我是如何真正進入這種狀態的,更難看到我如何擺脫它。
在處理固定態度的這一步中,Clearer要求人們看看他們是如何獲得這種態度的想法的。而且,因為這次他們有了刻意保持態度的想法,而不是通過自動反應,他們可以開始觀察他們進入它的方式,但這次是有意識的。如果這個人思考它,他們將開始看到他們進入態度的機制,這將開始打破自動性。僅僅試圖弄清楚我們如何進入態度是不夠的,我們必須獲得將其作為一種意志行為的想法,以便體驗自己這樣做,並知道它在這樣做中的用途。
通常,首先,獲得處於態度中的想法是通過記憶來實現的。例如,如果你給出“讓你知道你處於”我很糟糕“的態度”的指示,他們可能會四處搜索一下,並想出他們做過他們感覺不好的事情的記憶。他們一開始怎麼做並不重要,它會自行改變。他們必須找到一種方法來利用想像力、記憶、他們實際進入的狀態,或者他們能進入的任何其他方式來做到這一點。這個人可以非常充分或只是一點點地理解它,但關鍵是他們必須得到這種態度的想法。
布倫達以一種“我不夠”的固定態度工作。為了獲得這種態度的想法,她開始於尋找她覺得自己
不夠的記憶。在工作中,她的老闆批評了她在專案中所做的一些工作,這引發了她不夠的感覺。她有很多這樣的記憶可以借鑒,每次她被指示“讓你知道你處於'我不夠'的態度”時,她都會在內心尋找記憶,當時某些事件導致她覺得自己不夠,並經歷了過去和最近的事件。
經過一段時間的處理,她努力想出一個新的記憶,她意識到她不必得到記憶來獲得這個想法。不夠的感覺是如此熟悉,以至於她所要做的就是獲得這種感覺,而這伴隨著她不夠的想法。再一次,過了一會兒,她聽了指示,更充分地意識到她被要求了解態度的想法,而不必進入整個狀態和相關的沉重感。所以她做了實驗,發現她可以得到她的態度。這讓她回到了記憶的領域,但她很快就開始發現她可以在不需要感覺或記憶的情況下得到這個想法。她最初想像把這個想法戴上,比如一頂帽子,或者使用其他一些機械圖像來獲得這個想法,就像把它想像成她可以身處的灰色霧一樣。但這也改變了,布倫達越來越多地發現她可以簡單地找到這種態度,並得到在沒有機制的情況下參與其中的想法。
在這一點上,她開始深入瞭解她如何以及為什麼進入這種態度。她開始注意到她對投入其中是多麼投入,以及她是多麼不願意放手。當她有了“我不夠”的態度時,她意識到她討厭把它僅僅視為一種態度。她報告說,當她這樣做時,她覺得背景中有一個小聲音在說,『但這是真的,這是真的,我還不夠。除此之外,她開始體驗到當她採取這種態度時她感到多麼生氣。
當這個人盡最大努力描述他們是如何進入這種態度的時,詢問他們是否對這個過程有任何評論也是一個重要的步驟。有時,當他們瞭解自己在這些態度中如何運作時,他們可能會對這個過程
有深刻的見解或話要說,因此他們有機會在繼續之前進行交流。他們可能突然明白,只有他們才能得到這種態度。這是一個重要的見解,在這個過程中需要有空間讓他們交流和吸收它。如果沒有這個機會,這個人就會把他們注意到而沒有說的話堆積起來,很快就會變得難以繼續。在布倫達的案例中,她有很多話要說,她對這種態度感到多麼憤怒,以及她感到一種巨大的衝動,將她覺得自己不夠的東西歸咎於別人。
我掙扎著進入相反的態度。那就是,“我是一個很棒的人,溫暖的人,充滿了善意”。就像拔牙一樣。我覺得我不可能這樣的想法,我太喜歡想我的了。lf是灰色和憤世嫉俗的,我發現我喜歡自己的形象,因為我覺得自己很優越。如果我是溫暖和快樂的,我就不得不停止認為自己比別人更好。所以前幾次我只是對自己基本上相當不錯的看法相當不溫不火。我記得我對自己和他人感覺良好的時候。但最終它變得更容易了,我經歷了一個真正被它感動的階段,每次我被要求以這種態度思考時都會哭泣。但最後,我只是得到了它,這沒什麼大不了的。
他們可能不得不對自己進行一些複雜的描繪,例如,豐富的女神,充滿了善良和愛,每個人都想要它們。或者他們最終可能會找到自己感覺豐富的記憶,或者為圖像尋找想像的未來。再一次,他們把這一點傳達給清除者,他們必須理解和承認溝通並完成清理溝通週期。
然後他們又回到了最初的態度,這一次,他們如何獲得這種態度的想法可能會有所改變。然後回到相反的地方可能會更容易或更難一點。它像這樣來回走動,有多少次,人們才能有意識地進入態度和相反的態度,看看他們是如何做到的。
最終,這個人會意識到是他們得到了這種態度。是他們一直在這樣做;這不僅僅是由於其他人的行為而「發生」在他們身上,而是他們正在這樣做。這不僅僅是一種理智上的承認,而是一種充分的認識,即只有她或他一直在採取這種態度,傷害自己,進而傷害他人。
最終會有變化。要麼這個人會感到疲倦,因為他們真的一直在試圖從頭腦中理解整個事情,試圖從頭腦中找到答案,要麼這個人會更好地理解態度並意識到他們一直在這樣做;在這種情況下,他們將越來越多地從態度及其對立面中去認同。
如果前者正在發生,那麼 Clearer 應該繼續下一步,即使他們可能需要再次回顧該過程。在這一點上,繼續思考對立面沒有什麼好處,因為它們陷入了知識迴圈。執行後續步驟將通過釋放一些卡住的通信來幫助他們。當這個過程再次過去時,應該會有更多的進展。
如果是後者,並且這個人從態度上去認同,那麼更清晰的人應該堅持一段時間,因為這給了這個人做出更實質性突破的機會。這是分階段進行的。
如果他真的突破了,會發生什麼:他會試圖得到這個想法,他會成功,但他必須經歷一個心理過程或一項活動才能做到這一點。在這一點上,他正在大吃一驚。通常會釋放能量,通常以體內熱量的形式出現。11
最後,這個人會去得到在態度和態度中的想法d 他們會發現他們不用頭腦就這樣做了。但仍然有一個過程在進行中。這個人不能僅僅從自己那裡得到態度。儘管如此,還是有更多的自由,因為態度不再自動發生。如果這個人可以繼續純粹地從自己開始,僅使用意志,那麼就沒有必要繼續下一步;在這方面,他們從思想中獲得了自由。
Step 2: pondering the opposites
Once the opposite is chosen, the person is given the instruction to get the idea of being in the chosen attitude with the instruction: ‘Get the idea of you being in an (“I’m bad”, “I’m not good enough”, etc.) attitude’. First of all, the person is being told to perform a specific action, so this activates the clearing communication cycle and has them do something. As long as that action has been explained to them and they understand, then there is no doubt for the person about what it is they should do.
‘GET THE IDEA’
In this instruction they are also explicitly being told to ‘get the idea’. To ‘get’ something allows latitude to do it in any way they like. And what they are being told to do is get the idea of being in the specific attitude.
They do not have to get into the attitude or state itself in order to do this. For example, if they are working on ‘everything is bad’, they
do not have to get that whole feeling that goes along with the idea of everything being bad. It might go along with a whole negative, depressed state of being. They might go into that state because it is so familiar to them that this is the easiest way of getting the idea of being in the attitude. But they are not actually being asked to do so. They are being asked to get the idea of them being in the attitude. With practice they will eventually be able to get the idea of being in the attitude without having to go into the state.
STATES
If the person gets into the associated state in order to get the idea, they are actually keying in to all the emotional and bodily responses that go along with the attitude they go into. This is all right, but then it will be much harder work because all the emotional and bodily states will be being dealt with at the same time as the attitude. We do not actually have to do that in order to gain freedom from the mind. The fixed attitude can be disconnected from the experience. The precise point of connection between the attitude and the state must be identified for this to happen. It takes a lot longer to make progress if the whole state is being cleared along with the attitude. That is not the point of this work. There are other techniques for clearing the emotions and body that are more effective.
But it does not finally matter in order for the technique to work. They can get into the state or not, but it is best and more economical if they can simply get into the idea of the attitude. This will need to be explained. Eventually they will be able to take on the attitude, simply as an idea, as a conscious act of will. You want them to be able to do this, so this is what you ask them to do.
One thing to avoid is using the word ‘feeling’. When people try to get a feeling, it usually drags along body and emotion. We are dealing with the mind, and bringing the body into it complicates matters. They will probably bring body and emotion into it anyway with the state, and that is fine, but that is not what is being asked of them for this technique.
What we are setting out to do is deal with the significance we attach to events. The person needs to get the significance part of the attitude;
the attitude is mostly its significance. It might seem like an intellectual nicety, but this is not just an intellectual move. They have to perform an actual, internal action in order to get the idea of being in the attitude in order to comply with the instruction. Even if they understand this in principle, performing the action is another matter. Even the most able intellect may struggle to get the idea of being in the attitude if they are closely identified with it. This is because the identification is a fact. Facts are different from ideas, but getting the idea of being in an attitude is an action that functionally challenges the fixidity of the idea that the attitude is a fact because a person has to choose to get into it. So they will eventually notice it is not a necessary fact of life. To deal with ideas, we have to bring ourselves more into reality.
Clearer: Get the idea of you being in an ‘I’m useless’ attitude.
Client: Um…OK, yeah, got it.
Clearer: Tell me how you went about getting that.
Client: I remembered a time I felt useless. It was when I was about 15 and I was playing cricket with some other kids at the back of the house and I just couldn’t hit the ball, so I gave up because I felt so useless.
Clearer: Thank you. Get the idea of you being in an ‘I’m the king of the world and can do anything’ attitude.
Client: (long pause) OK. Clearer: How did you get that?
Client: It was difficult. First I tried to imagine it being true and I couldn’t. I kept feeling useless. Then I remembered winning a race when I was about 10. I’d never won anything before and it was amazing.
Clearer: Thank you.
This goes on for some time, going from the attitude to its opposite and back again. Each time the client thinks of a memory of feeling useless in order to get the idea of being in the attitude, then finds a way to get into the opposite. Then it changes:
Clearer: Get the idea of you being in an ‘I’m useless’ attitude.
Client: (considerable pause) OK, got it. Clearer: How did you get that?
Client: Well, I couldn’t come up with any more memories, but I realised I didn’t need to because I just feel useless, so I just got that feeling.
Clearer: Thank you.
At this point he dropped a level of complication in getting the idea of being in the attitude and used the feeling of being in the state, which was very familiar to him.
‘GET THE IDEA OF YOU BEING IN THE ATTITUDE’
The use of ‘you’ in the instruction points to the fact that it is ‘they’, the individual, who has to do the work. In every clearing communication cycle the person has to take an active part in completing it. They must do the work to receive the instruction, look inside and communicate what came up. Doing so makes new pathways of good communication and dissolves mind. Each time a clearing communication cycle is successfully completed, a little bit of the mind becomes redundant. A direct communication that is received by another satisfies the part of us that originally felt unmet. The hold that our distorted behaviours have on us is weakened by every direct and satisfying communication we make that improves our ability to do so next time.
When the person has indicated that they have done the work and got the idea of being in the attitude, they are asked to examine how they achieved this. Getting into an attitude is usually automatic and unconscious. We suddenly find we have gone from being more or less OK to being in an attitude. Someone says something or does something or we have a thought and we are right in the state and we do not know how we got there. Attitudes and their accompanying states are so familiar we do not think about it. When we are asked to describe how it happened, we usually have no idea. We might be able to narrow it down to something someone said. If we go into a victim
state and attitude of ‘no one loves me’, we might just be able to identify the incident that triggered it.
The Christmas cards got handed out at work and there wasn’t one for me. My colleagues made a show of looking, but mine had been lost; perhaps it got wedged in the box because it did turn up later. But anyway, despite putting on a front of laughing along with everyone else at how I was clearly ‘out of favour’, inside, I plunged into the familiar ‘no one loves me’ state. I knew, rationally, that I hadn’t really been missed out or, if I had been, it was just a mistake and not personal. But it was almost as though I wanted to be missed out, so I could nurse this ‘no one loves me’ thing. When I looked at it, it was difficult to see how I actually got into this state and even harder to see how I could get out of it.
In this step of dealing with fixed attitudes, the Clearer asks the person to look at how they went about getting the idea of being in that attitude. And, because this time they got the idea of being in the attitude deliberately, rather than through an automatic reaction, they can start to look at the way they are getting into it, but consciously this time. If the person thinks about it, they will start to see the mechanism by which they get into the attitude and this will start to break the automaticity. It is not enough to try to work out how we get into attitudes, we have to get the idea of doing it as an act of will in order to experience ourselves doing so, and know its use in doing it.
Typically, to begin with, getting the idea of being in the attitude is achieved through memory. If you give the instruction ‘Get the idea of you being in an “I’m bad” attitude,’ they might, for instance, search around for a bit and come up with a memory of a time they did something they felt bad about. It does not matter how they do it at first, it will change of its own accord. They must just find a way to do it using the imagination, the memory, the state they actually get into, or any other way they can get into it. The person can get it very fully or just a bit, but the point is they have to get the idea of being in the attitude.
Brenda was working on a fixed attitude of ‘I’m not enough’. To get the idea of being in that attitude she started out by finding memories of when she felt she
was not enough. At work her boss criticised some work she did on a project and this triggered the feeling of not being enough. She had lots of memories like this to draw on, and every time she was instructed to ‘Get the idea of you being in an “I’m not enough” attitude,’ she looked inside for a memory of a time when some event led to her feeling like she was not enough and went through incidents from the past and more recently.
After a while of doing this and struggling to come up with a new memory, she realised she did not have to get a memory to get the idea. The feeling of not being enough was so familiar that all she had to do was get the feeling and this came with the idea that she was not enough. Again, after a while, she listened to the instruction and realised more fully that she was being asked to get the idea of being in the attitude and did not have to go into the whole state and the associated feeling of heaviness. So she experimented and found she could get just the idea of her being in the attitude. This put her back in the realm of memory for a bit, but she soon started to see she could get the idea without needing feelings or memories. She initially imagined putting the idea on, like a hat, or using some other mechanical image to get the idea like imagining it as a grey fog in which she could be. But this too changed and, increasingly, Brenda found she could simply source the attitude and get the idea of being in it without mechanisms.
At that point she started to have insights about how and why she was going into the attitude. She started to notice how invested she was in going into it and how reluctant she was to let it go. When she got the idea of being in the attitude ‘I’m not enough,’ she realised she resented seeing it as just an attitude. She reported that, when she did this, she felt like there was a little voice in the background saying, ‘But it’s true, it’s true, I’m not enough.’ As well as this, she started to experience how angry she felt when she took on the attitude.
When the person has done their best to describe how they got into the attitude, it is also an important step to ask them if they have any comments to make about this process. Sometimes they might have an insight or something to say about the process that is of value to them
as they get to understand how they are going around in these attitudes, so they are given the opportunity to communicate this before moving on. They may suddenly have understood that it is they alone who are getting the attitude. This is a significant insight and there needs to be space in the process for them to communicate and absorb it. Without that opportunity, the person will stack up with things they have noticed and not said and it will quickly become difficult to continue. In Brenda’s case, she had a lot to say about how angry she felt around the attitude and how she felt a huge impulse to blame people for her feeling that she was not enough.
I struggled to get into my opposite attitude. It was, ‘I’m a wonderful, warm person, overflowing with goodwill’. It was like pulling teeth. I felt it was impossible to get the idea of me being that, I was so into thinking of myself as grey and cynical and I found I liked that image of myself because I felt superior in it. If I were warm and happy, I’d have to stop thinking of myself as better than other people. So the first few times I just got this rather tepid idea of myself as basically fairly nice. I remembered times when I’d felt nice about myself and others. But eventually it got easier and I went through a stage of being really moved by it and crying every time I was asked to get the idea of being in that attitude. But finally, I just got it and it was no big deal.
They may have to get some complicated picture of themselves as, for example, the goddess of abundance, overflowing with goodness and love and everyone wanting them. Or they might eventually find a memory of themselves feeling abundant or look into an imagined future for an image. Once again, they get this across to the Clearer who must understand and acknowledge the communication and complete that clearing communication cycle.
Then they go back to the original attitude, and, this time, how they get the idea of being in the attitude might have changed a bit. Then returning to the opposite might be a little bit easier or a bit harder. It goes back and forth like this, as many times as it takes for the person to be able to get into the attitude and its opposite, consciously, seeing how they are doing it.
Eventually the person will realise it is they who are getting the attitude. It was they who were doing it all along; it was not just ‘happening’ to them as a result of other people’s actions, they were doing it. This will not be just an intellectual recognition but a full appreciation that it is only she or he who has been getting into that attitude and victimising themselves and, by extension, others.
Eventually there will be a change. Either the person will get tired because they have really been trying to make intellectual sense of the whole thing, trying to find answers from within the mind, or the person will get better at getting the attitude and realise they have been doing it all along; in this case they will de-identify increasingly from the attitude and its opposite.
If the former is happening, then the Clearer should go on to the next steps, even though the likelihood is that they will need to go back over the process again. There is little to be gained at that point in continuing to ponder the opposites as they are caught in an intellectual loop. Performing the next steps will help them by releasing some stuck communications. When the process is gone over again, there should be some more progress.
If it is the latter, and the person is de-identifying from the attitudes, then the Clearer should keep going for a bit as this gives the person the chance to make a more substantial breakthrough. This happens in stages.
If he does break through, what will happen is this: he will try to get the idea and he will succeed, but he will have had to go through a mental process or an activity to do it. At this point he is blowing his mind. There will usually be a release of energy, often noticed in the form of heat in the body.11
Finally, the person will go to get the idea of being in the attitude and they will find they do it without using the mind. But there is still a process going on. The person is not able to get the attitude just from themselves. Nonetheless, there is much more freedom because the attitude is no longer happening automatically. If the person can go on to originate it purely from themselves, using the will alone, then there is no need to go on to the next steps; they have gained freedom from the mind in this respect.
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